Archive for the 'thoughts' Category

Aug 20 2008

Desert Rose


A friend shared a story…

“Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.

His bed was next to the room’s only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man couldn’t hear the band - he could see it. In his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can’t buy.”

Me: that. made. me. cry.

“People start their lives at last when they are able to live for something other than themselves.”–Albert Einstein.

Jazakullahkhair.

Painter: Oh come on Ilana, isn’t that a bit melodramatic? Do you also start weeping at witnessing the humanitarian edge of capitalism when they bring down the prices of flower pots to 50%?

Me: Haha, oh come on Painter, isn’t that a bit of an over simplification and lack of appreciation of the human spirit and it’s capacity for self sacrifice and good? Or are you too pessimistic and self-absorbed?

Painter: It is the nature of things that those at one extreme become that which is at the other extreme…but yeah, you do cry at flower shops don’t you :)

Me: Realization of the above mentioned fact is what should motivate us to be humble and help grasp the significance and true depth of the beauty of good. It is the freedom of will that makes morality and virtue possible.

Painter:
Indeed. Very well said.

Me: And I cry for flowers not pots. ;)

One response so far

Jul 14 2008

Thoughts on the MYNA Leadership camp…

Published by ilana under MYNA, sisterwood, thoughts, truth

My heart is so small, it’s almost invisible. How can You place such big sorrows in it? “Look,” He answered, “your eyes are even smaller, yet they behold the world.”
the Dawn

“‘In the woods, we return to reason and faith,’ and become ‘part and parcel of God’”. –Emerson. Before MYNA camp I looked at this quote and knew it was the truth, theoretically. However; it was only after MYNA camp that the depth of this truth fully resounded through every bone in my body. After all, truth is realized not told.

The first Leadership Retreat hosted by MYNA National was teeming with a buzz of excitement and possibilities. And somehow, through the grace of the Almighty, this MYNA retreat was even better than the first.

This is coming from a person who before going to her first MYNA National Leadership Retreat thought MYNA was the younger wannabe MSA child. This is coming from an EC member who, despite loving the first retreat, forced herself to get on that plane going to the second retreat with a “bismillah” walking into camp arrogantly thinking ‘been there, done that; I just need to do my job’ and was, at first glance, disappointed by the facilities that seemed inferior to those of the first retreat’s campground and bracing herself for a week of no privacy and discomfort. Basically, I was being a spoiled, shallow and judgmental creature.

Then, slowly, the beauty of the Lake Huron crept into my heart. The sound of Huron, inhaling and exhaling on the sandy skin of the beach echoed and became distinct and alive. It was there, as we prayed in the grass, breathing in the odor of where we were from and soon go back to; it was there as we put out our fire on the beach and turned our heads upward to the sky breathless - almost expecting to fall into it–as a voice sang Surat Al Najam – it was there as the sun rose with petals of color and the heart had to grow expansive to contain the nooriful scene, it was there I saw Allah’s signs and became overwhelmed with them.

And with this as our backdrop the lightest feather-breath of a rain touched our faces as we whispered dthikr together and a rainbow appeared rewarding our hearts with a wondrous sight. Throughout the week I participated in workshops that made me laugh, then cry, I stayed awake all night with a friend and prayed tahajud while a rain storm wailed outside. I gained an appreciation and respect for nature and learned to live with the spider that lived above my bunk. It was there first. I pray the lessons I learned and helped to teach others through my participation will never leave me. The activist, humanitarian and Muslim in my heart grew that week. And, most importantly, I was able to share it with others.
And I want it for you dear reader. I want your Iman to soar, your mind to leap forward and be empowered with the knowledge that people may call us the leaders of tomorrow but I say NO–You are the leaders of today. Shake off that doubt, sense of unworthiness, timidity and fear. Step forward. Your the best we have and it’s upon you the opportunities you wasted or the vast and great potential you fulfilled– certainly a beauty to behold.

Sincerely,
a deeply honored Executive Committee Member
PR
MYNA National
Ilana Alazzeh

6 responses so far

Jun 03 2008

Does Beauty Hurt/Harm?

me: I was thinking about it
and beauty does hurt
kaz: how so
me: virtue
patience
modesty
kaz: how do those hurt
me: Because this is beauty that can only be encaptured by the heart. The majority of people can see with their eyes, hear wih their ears and smell with their noses. But Allah swt only hand-picks a few of His slaves to envision and perceive through their hearts.
\kaz: beauty is in everyone
anyone can perceive and envision it
this is what surah rahman commands us to do
to recognize and appreciate and internalize His favors
me: which includes hardship and pain
kaz: but ultimately
you come to appreciate the beauty
and realize
you were only harming yourself all along
me: love is given to us by Allah
you agree?
kaz: of course
me: does it not hurt?
are there not trails to faith?
kaz: of course love hurts
but there is beauty in that hurt
me: is love not beauty?
kaz: that causes you to reflect
and ultimately embrace it as it is
the true believer is never grieved
me: no
kaz: because they know the instant they are tested with hardship
they are gaining reward for it
and it is a sign of God’s love
me: the best fiath is one that has been doubted
kaz: that they are being tested
me: questioned
and succeeds dispite it all
there is a reason why we can’t “see” Allah
in the shallowist of senses
kaz: sure
for me I have the greatest ownership of my faith
me: beauty hurts
kaz: and I felt I finally “converted”
me: my point is made
kaz: when I learned to question it
to no end
I don’t see how that says
“beauty hurts”
at all
because perhaps beauty does hurt
but it does not harm
because from that hurt comes remembrance of Him and a cleansed heart
hence
more beauty
beauty begets beauty
and God is a lover of that
me: but in a perverse heart beauty may harm. may that’s why some are always in hell. anyways to deny that beauty doesn’t hurt is to deny a key step in a process in beauty degeting beauty
and beauty can harm
beauty of women is a prime example
kaz: a step… exactly
but not the outcome
me: we’re on the net are we not?
sometimes an outcome
sometimes not
kaz: then that’s the heart’s fault for not recognizing
anyway
you’re making a case
not against my words
but the words of the Prophet
so I will go with the assumption that his contention is ultimately true
and I enjoy finding all the ways
of putting meaning behind his words
me: it is the fault of the heartthat why i am assuming there is hell
umm? i suggest you quote the hadith then
with Arabic for the purpose of this discussion
and haqq saying I am making a case against the Prophet(s) sounds awfully pretentious
self rightious much?
kaz: uh
all I’m saying
is that I directly quoted the prophet
and you’re directly saying it’s incorrect…
no pretentiousness homie
the way I work
I accept the truth of his words
and then use my own reflection and inquisition to attach my own meaning to them
and discussing this with you
has been an excellent way of doing that
me: one sec
sorry I am a little busy
me: ok kaz
send me the hadith
with the soucre and all
or as much as you know
and I’ll get back to thee
inshAllah
kaz: ok…
I’m not really interested in getting into a debate over the validity of the hadith
here it is in full
me: not validity
perhaps
but meaning
arabic is a maze

read what you want into it…

“Women are not created weaker but more generous than men. They’re created more beautiful and less fierce, as beauty hates to hurt and harm others. That’s why they seem weak to people, but they’re not. Angels are the strongest created beings, and women are closer to the angelic nature than men, as they’re readier than men to carry angelic light. It’s the good manners and ethics of spirituality which they carry that makes them less forceful than men.They undergo great upheavals in their body without flinching for the sake of childbirth, and face the direst physical conditions more successfully than men because God has enabled them to ensure the survival of generations.”

~ prophet (later I found out that: [quoted from a friend] ” as for the relevant statement, like i knew it isnt really a hadith, and actually now that i read the whole post, i recognize exactly where it came from. this is all only a part of the Isra/Mi’raj literature quoted by Shaykh Nazim Haqqani of the Naqshbandi Sufi Tariqa, and this section quoted is a part of his speech which he gave a long time ago about that, which was later written down and published online
however a disclaimer:
the “mistake” is on the one who read these words of Shaykh Nazim, and assumed he was quoting a hadith, and then when he came to copying it said, “this is a hadith from the Prophet’s own description of what he saw in the Mi’raj”, and Shaykh Nazim never meant it to be taken as a hadith as such.
rather, Shaykh Nazim was speaking of his own vision and knowledge that he gained about some of the things the Prophet (alayhi salat wa salam) went thru during the Mi’raj; therefore, since Shaykh Nazim didnt attribute these words to the Prophet, then whoever wrote you in the conversation you posted shouldnt quote that as his words (alayhi salat wa salam), but realize that this is all from Kashf (spiritual vision) of Shaykh Nazim Haqqani.”) on with the conversation

me: umm perhaps then it would be best to say each side can be part of the reaction to beauty
but the thing is beauty is not an emotion…it can inspire them–but it isn’t a feeling–whereas love is..so love does have a counterpoint, whether that’s pain or hatred, etc.
kaz: yeah I’d abide to that

4 responses so far

May 20 2008

A blessed day

A joyful day a laughing day of eyes wit and hearts then upon pictures I gaze and an aura is transcribed, my interpretation might be a lie but here I shall tell and try: a mist of gray twilight of confusion and beauty and a gaping hole. tis the beauty of humans the spirit, the hurt and trust…overwhelmed by it all ran outside under the full moon, sobbed wepted the glory of God and bestowed with an inkling of it’s depth.

One response so far

May 02 2008

Losing a Friend

Published by ilana under sisterwood, solmen golmen, thoughts, wood

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assalamlaaykumwarathmatullhbaraktuhu
I read an aching poignant post.

It moved me and caused me to write this: Bismillah

A loss of love. A moment of despair. This hurt becomes a shivering numb–churning in the stomach, pang in the heart, weightlessness, silent cries, a lump in the throat–something dies. Realization’s heavy hand and stronger acceptance becomes maturity’s land.

A truely pure exquisite love, where you hurt so much and remain utterly thankful to the One above.

Wallah, jazakullahkhair.

“We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence.”

- Joseph Roux
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One response so far

Apr 30 2008

Humbled Broken Lovers

My status “They are the heart broken lovers dancing on the glass they broke, their spit in each others mouths hoping to choke.”

PEEP: is that an original composiion
*composition
me: They are the heart broken lovers dancing on the glass they broke, their spit in each others mouths hoping to choke. Needle in the eye, stoke in the heart–only empathy and forgiveness will heal and leave them apart.
err, it’s not empathy is it
PEEP: *stake
me: ?
strook?
PEEP: stake in the heart?
me: i what the word for not caring
want*
instead of empathy
PEEP: apathy
me: apathy
yeah
PEEP: how can you have forgiveness with apathy
you have to care to forgive…
me: becuase not caring is the opposite of love and hate
to forgive is simply to write off
and not to gain anything from it
it’s turely a god-given thing
besides that
stroke?
pain of the heart?
heart attack
did I spell that right?
PEEP: yeah
but you cannot forgive without love
me: which one stake or stroke do you think?
umm, then maybe i should put foget
forget*
PEEP: yeah
it’s much easier to forget than forgive
me: cynical composition isn’t it? I am sure you liked the first one more
PEEP: stake makes more sense
yes
quite cynical
what is this an allusion to
me: it depends if forgiving and/or forgetting heals
more then the other
but I suppose but can heal, si?
both*
PEEP: not really
if you forget without forgiving
you’re not really healing
just burying your feelings and anger
you haven’t eradicated them
me: or it just dies off
you don’t really care
PEEP: but it can be reawakened at any time
and apathy is the death of the spirit
me: unless you go through something where apathy keeps your spirit alive
PEEP: yeah but
it should be a transitional stage at most
me: forgiveness in such cases isn’t tangible
PEEP: yeah but that’s just procrastinating
putting off summoning the courage to forgive
me: but I suppose I am talking in extreme cases–and I don’t feel courage has anything to do with it–somethings are simply unforgiveable
but back to the composition
the lovers
perhaps the orginial was best then
becuase they still feel or then they wouldn’t hate
PEEP: no case is too extreme for forgiveness
yes, hate is the antithesis of apathy
Sent at 1:32 PM on Wednesday
me: go through rape and then come back to me and say that no case is too exterme for forgiveness
and i put apathy in the compostion b/c yes it is the opposite
PEEP: the most beautiful man who ever lived was stoned near to death and humiliated in a way no animal ever was
and had the option of crushing a whole city between mountains
and yet he forgave
Sent at 1:35 PM on Wednesday
me: most women rather die
PEEP: the greater the pain, the greater the reward for finding peace
this does not mean you don’t seek justice
or that the proper punishment is laid down
I think all rapists should be castrated and left to bleed to death
but
with justice must come peace of mind, heart, and soul
and ultimately that only comes with forgiveness
not for the action
but forgiveness with the hope that God will guide them to the light
me: I have no true sentiment that such evil doers find ease ever
could you ever forgive Hitler?
PEEP: Hitler is dead
me: Honestly, could you?
PEEP: and so, no, I cannot forgive him
me: if he was alive
if you were in a camp
PEEP: you’re not seeing what I’m saying
me: I feel you’re being idealist to absurdity
PEEP: then tell me what you think of the prophet’s example
me: I feel it’s different. But because I am not sure why –just yet–I shall yield to you for now and keep the original composition: “they are the heart broken lovers dancing on the glass they broke, their spit in each others mouths hoping to choke. Needle in the eye, stake in the heart–only empathy and forgiveness will heal and leave them apart.”

6 responses so far

Apr 28 2008

.

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“Tears for what I never knew
Of love and how it’s won”
This struck as truth as darkly as the sun, in your song of torment and angst and feelings robust—when we think we are old we are simply young; feeling worn and overcome. It is because we feel so strongly, so forward and then undone—when we feel patience’s lesson we’re stung. So now our laughter is loud, our tears bittersweet proud. Savor deeply this period of pain, God’s magic, inspiration and rain.

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I cluck my teeth, my cheeks swell, muscles tense, as this Spanish guitar brings tears from a deep well. Exquisite, stunning and angst comes in a form of a sensual dance as rain pours outside, vivid green strucks the eyes as damp thin clothes—cold, demise—stick to skin reminding of a fragile existence and a shivering state. Dark wet curls. The weightlessness of goosebumps. Venerable and still and yet howl and singing mix like a beautiful hell. Exotic strange and yet Allah gave this capacity—this width of feeling breathe of stir—too much feeling now I fall asleep on floor.

No responses yet

Apr 26 2008

INSANITY!!! don’t ask BWHAHHAHAH

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Tis halal, excessive nutella gives me a stomachache but loving the sweet through the love of Allah leaves me wanting more. As I convert primal and instinctual urges into something more to oppress the forbidden inside. A flame dies down as smooth chocolate moves in the cheeks, swirling in a swollen mouth of happiness, ready to burst with a blessed curse.
chocolatebeliever.blogspot.com/

4 responses so far

Apr 23 2008

Dear Sister

Your body’s been abused– raped, your deen and heart confused. My dear sister, Allah is with you all the way. My love, for you dear sister, increases day by day. I feel the sorrow and dispear but I know the darkness makes the light so white. A weird calmness takes over,for overwhelmed with thoughts, emotions and forced to go through the motions. The Qur’an a light we share to comfort and ease the soul of a hurtful blight. We listen together, sister and sister, separated by distance but united fisabilah. And listen to Surah Rahman, reciting in a voice that sooths, comforts, and eases like warm slippery waves and breezes; it’s brings out humanity and despite the evil, I feel this kinship, this care, a beauty of sisterhood in the midst of a scare as our love and emotion brings out sanity of dear old flawed, beautiful humanity.
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No responses yet

Apr 21 2008

in the comfort of sajood, i simply remind

Published by ilana under self-righteousness, thoughts, wood

I feel the hurt you feel, I see the beatenings you steal–my heart aches for you–it does and i sympathize fully for you remind me of what was. hold your heart steady and still place your foreward in sajood’s embrace and feel the soft bittersweat case; of putting all your trust in the One wholly based on overwhelming faith–while asking refugee from angers and hurts bait. All I can do is remind, but if I can by the will of Allah (swt), ease your mind and heart–there’s a sad joy within being honored to play this part.

One response so far

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