Born Confused

A speech I did at the Education Forum Chicago Alhumdullah

We see over and over again, Conferences, gets together, camps, organizations, Islamic schools trying to address the dilemma of the youth: Identity. This theme—this problem, is huge, expansive, the seed—that gives birth to unity and inshAllah countless good deeds and endeavors.

Identity is in itself means a coming across a sameness, a likeness even amongst varying conditions—a constant state. Therefore we can say the antithesis—the sickness of identity is not being constant, not having a constant state and therefore we must ask ourselves what is this desired state we should strive for?

The desired state is the Muslim state—the Muslim identity that permeates through out a persons character, interactions and varying conditions whilst in the west, an environment of constant upheavals. Being in a state of peace does not mean being in a peaceful state without turmoil. Peace means being in this state inspite of upheavals.

Ironically this peaceful state, this Muslim identity isn’t simply born out of peace but rather from hardship. Peace in itself is a strong trait, a strong characteristic and as Napoleon Hill, a famous American author said, “The strongest oak tree of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.”

In order to build this strong tree, the seed needs to be cultivated, nurtured and protected from the harsh weather in the darkness and over the protection of the soil. This seed is the Muslim youth in the west. And the soil, covering and protecting this seedling and readying it to become big and strong—giving the foundations and room to take root to steadfastness is the Islamic upbringing—the purpose of Islamic schools. These Islamic institutions give room for children to spread their roots in a comfortable way—showing them that they, yes, indeed can still be mainstream in a western society, comfortable, strong, and secure with the knowledge such intuitions instill in them.

Islamic schools build a Muslim identity. In a Islamic school, you, the teachers and administration are building the foundation of future Muslims, future families, future communities, future masjids, future of the faith and leaders inshAllah for the sake of Allah.

However, Islamic schools under go their own identity crisis as well. Most teachers come to Islamic schools under two different circumstances. One is the type of teacher is the career-driven teacher that often comes to the Islamic school seeking the initial experience that will allow them to get the better paying jobs in schools with good resources. Often times Islamic schools cannot compete with the facilities and resources over even public school systems and generally offer non-competitive salaries with no benefits. The other type of teacher is the one highly motivated teacher but who may lack certification and the proper background in education.

In addition to these differences, Islamic school teachers come in the enormous variations in their cultural, ethnic and religious backgrounds.

As a result one may find very different standards from one Islamic school to other and even from classroom to classroom in one school. For example, the way the teacher carries themselves in the classroom, tone of voice they use the disciplinarian techniques is, at least, in part by the diverse backgrounds of the teachers. I suggest that Islamic schools develop uniform expectations, procedures and implementation plans so that students within each school will have a unified identity, and a cohesive and clear understanding of who and what they are and the ability to be Muslim to maintain a Muslim home and family and yet productive members of the greater community. Once our identity is settled in it takes root faster if our actions and intentions reaffirm. This is why extra curricular activities like MYNA are so important. Our identities expand outside the masjid and extended family and weave together with the fiber of the greater society we live in.

me: I was thinking about it
and beauty does hurt
kaz: how so
me: virtue
patience
modesty
kaz: how do those hurt
me: Because this is beauty that can only be encaptured by the heart. The majority of people can see with their eyes, hear wih their ears and smell with their noses. But Allah swt only hand-picks a few of His slaves to envision and perceive through their hearts.
\kaz: beauty is in everyone
anyone can perceive and envision it
this is what surah rahman commands us to do
to recognize and appreciate and internalize His favors
me: which includes hardship and pain
kaz: but ultimately
you come to appreciate the beauty
and realize
you were only harming yourself all along
me: love is given to us by Allah
you agree?
kaz: of course
me: does it not hurt?
are there not trails to faith?
kaz: of course love hurts
but there is beauty in that hurt
me: is love not beauty?
kaz: that causes you to reflect
and ultimately embrace it as it is
the true believer is never grieved
me: no
kaz: because they know the instant they are tested with hardship
they are gaining reward for it
and it is a sign of God’s love
me: the best fiath is one that has been doubted
kaz: that they are being tested
me: questioned
and succeeds dispite it all
there is a reason why we can’t “see” Allah
in the shallowist of senses
kaz: sure
for me I have the greatest ownership of my faith
me: beauty hurts
kaz: and I felt I finally “converted”
me: my point is made
kaz: when I learned to question it
to no end
I don’t see how that says
“beauty hurts”
at all
because perhaps beauty does hurt
but it does not harm
because from that hurt comes remembrance of Him and a cleansed heart
hence
more beauty
beauty begets beauty
and God is a lover of that
me: but in a perverse heart beauty may harm. may that’s why some are always in hell. anyways to deny that beauty doesn’t hurt is to deny a key step in a process in beauty degeting beauty
and beauty can harm
beauty of women is a prime example
kaz: a step… exactly
but not the outcome
me: we’re on the net are we not?
sometimes an outcome
sometimes not
kaz: then that’s the heart’s fault for not recognizing
anyway
you’re making a case
not against my words
but the words of the Prophet
so I will go with the assumption that his contention is ultimately true
and I enjoy finding all the ways
of putting meaning behind his words
me: it is the fault of the heartthat why i am assuming there is hell
umm? i suggest you quote the hadith then
with Arabic for the purpose of this discussion
and haqq saying I am making a case against the Prophet(s) sounds awfully pretentious
self rightious much?
kaz: uh
all I’m saying
is that I directly quoted the prophet
and you’re directly saying it’s incorrect…
no pretentiousness homie
the way I work
I accept the truth of his words
and then use my own reflection and inquisition to attach my own meaning to them
and discussing this with you
has been an excellent way of doing that
me: one sec
sorry I am a little busy
me: ok kaz
send me the hadith
with the soucre and all
or as much as you know
and I’ll get back to thee
inshAllah
kaz: ok…
I’m not really interested in getting into a debate over the validity of the hadith
here it is in full
me: not validity
perhaps
but meaning
arabic is a maze

read what you want into it…

“Women are not created weaker but more generous than men. They’re created more beautiful and less fierce, as beauty hates to hurt and harm others. That’s why they seem weak to people, but they’re not. Angels are the strongest created beings, and women are closer to the angelic nature than men, as they’re readier than men to carry angelic light. It’s the good manners and ethics of spirituality which they carry that makes them less forceful than men.They undergo great upheavals in their body without flinching for the sake of childbirth, and face the direst physical conditions more successfully than men because God has enabled them to ensure the survival of generations.”

~ prophet (later I found out that: [quoted from a friend] ” as for the relevant statement, like i knew it isnt really a hadith, and actually now that i read the whole post, i recognize exactly where it came from. this is all only a part of the Isra/Mi’raj literature quoted by Shaykh Nazim Haqqani of the Naqshbandi Sufi Tariqa, and this section quoted is a part of his speech which he gave a long time ago about that, which was later written down and published online
however a disclaimer:
the “mistake” is on the one who read these words of Shaykh Nazim, and assumed he was quoting a hadith, and then when he came to copying it said, “this is a hadith from the Prophet’s own description of what he saw in the Mi’raj”, and Shaykh Nazim never meant it to be taken as a hadith as such.
rather, Shaykh Nazim was speaking of his own vision and knowledge that he gained about some of the things the Prophet (alayhi salat wa salam) went thru during the Mi’raj; therefore, since Shaykh Nazim didnt attribute these words to the Prophet, then whoever wrote you in the conversation you posted shouldnt quote that as his words (alayhi salat wa salam), but realize that this is all from Kashf (spiritual vision) of Shaykh Nazim Haqqani.”) on with the conversation

me: umm perhaps then it would be best to say each side can be part of the reaction to beauty
but the thing is beauty is not an emotion…it can inspire them–but it isn’t a feeling–whereas love is..so love does have a counterpoint, whether that’s pain or hatred, etc.
kaz: yeah I’d abide to that

Tis halal, excessive nutella gives me a stomachache but loving the sweet through the love of Allah leaves me wanting more. As I convert primal and instinctual urges into something more to oppress the forbidden inside. A flame dies down as smooth chocolate moves in the cheeks, swirling in a swollen mouth of happiness, ready to burst with a blessed curse.
chocolatebeliever.blogspot.com/

me: ochay
you fake iraqi
kurddddddddddddddddddish
you look kurdish
you know?
are you?

Pants: I’m 1/4

me: oh your dad?

Pants: he’s 1/2

me: yeah he looks like it
tis the eyeys

Pants: hmm
well I couldn’t tell

me: you reminded of a boy that i once once knew
LOLZ
nah nah
i have some kurdish friends

Pants: ohh

me: and i have seen enough kurds to know thelook
like with afghans it’s the hair
persians, the eyedrows/hair
desis a walk, the the slimness
the skin

Pants: hmm
I have trouble distinguishing races
perhaps because I’m so universalist [smile]

me: or your lack of appericationa

Pants: I scrutinize hearts not faces

me: but races in the faces make an impact on the heart, the eyes the art

Pants: eyes are the gate, the bait, but wait, if you get stuck at the door, you’ll never look no more

me: but it might be the key to get a laughing glee and thus see the heart as the person tells the tale from the start and a new apperication grows–and a deep understanidng and love ensows–sot eh complexcity is a part of the complexion and apart of the city of the heart undeniable part of the percepted in the world we was concepted

A wall of mirrors looks at me straight on, i scared to look back–a cowardly con? what will i see–where my soul is, a hole? will i see the life’s toll…a temperamental mistress she is, one moment her tresses caress another moment you stress condemners getting endorsement for thier enstonement unless you do enrollment to their version of enscrollment or send you to entombment. Or the horrid mistake might meet my eye–a tear falls, emboding a cry–a blight which cuts into me like a rake. thus i must confess to atest: humility honing the ability to know we have the capacity thus i remind myself for my sake, that theres a chance to advance and then given a choice to venture from righteous strive becoming evil in midnight’s twilight of gray mistaking it for fighting for enlightments ray. lesson is we must be humble becasue with lifes turns an curves, thunder rumbles, and in selfish shock we often stumble seeing our goodness crumble. tis human nature, thus is true, the question is will you stay by masses rule, or will you look in the mirror your soul a bit tier–and within starkes a lighter and says ‘i’ve no joy higher’. what with i see within me? distasteful spite or a blessing of happiness gift not from persuasion but the right done in the time determined as you run against the sun realizing in the end there was only one–yourself. and only God will tell if you’ve won.

me (11:21:14 PM): “‘Though it is possible to utter words only with the intention to fulfill the will of God, it is very difficult not to think about the impression which they will produce on men and not to form them accordingly. But deeds you can do quite unknown to men, only for God. And such deeds are the greatest joy that a man can experience.”
-Leo Nilolaevich Tolstoy

me (11:21:25 PM): wallah it’s teh truest thing on earth

me (11:21:38 PM): well not the “truest”

me (11:21:44 PM): but it’s up there

me (11:21:57 PM): you know when you keep it secert

me (11:22:06 PM): and the joy welds in

me (11:22:21 PM): I enjoy if your more ampt to analyze

me (11:22:26 PM): and love it more

me (11:22:37 PM): and gain a deeper a apperication for it

BLAH (11:22:49 PM): uhhh Illana

me (11:22:52 PM): perhaps more wisedom from it too

BLAH (11:22:54 PM): you lost me back there

me (11:23:02 PM): LOLz

me (11:23:07 PM): think not of it

me (11:23:14 PM): I lose many people

BLAH (11:23:43 PM): thats some pretty psychedelic philosophical stuff

me (11:24:05 PM): ?? umm?

me (11:24:21 PM): I don’t mean to guess at things I know least of

me (11:24:27 PM): grey matter you know

me (11:24:42 PM): that benifits no one

me (11:24:45 PM): in the end

me (11:24:55 PM): but you would agree no?

me (11:25:12 PM): or here i lost thee again?

me (11:25:15 PM): have*

BLAH (11:25:14 PM): hahahahaha

BLAH (11:25:16 PM): becharie

me (11:25:53 PM): HAHHA

me (11:25:57 PM): nevermind

BLAH (11:26:20 PM): just speak in plain english

me (11:27:17 PM): but i am dyslexic

me (11:27:22 PM): har har har

BLAH (11:27:45 PM): doesnt matter

me (11:36:19 PM): LOlz

me (11:36:24 PM): perhaps

me (11:36:37 PM): well do you want me to explain?

BLAH (11:37:19 PM): definitely

BLAH (11:38:31 PM): well?

me (11:38:44 PM): my mom called

BLAH (11:38:49 PM): o ok

BLAH (11:38:52 PM): take your time

me (12:06:19 AM): DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
I LOVE MY MOM

me (12:06:23 AM): HHEHEHEH

me (12:06:28 AM): ok ok

me (12:06:31 AM): i’lll chill

me (12:06:33 AM): LOOOOLLLz

me (12:06:36 AM): gosh

me (12:06:37 AM): heehee

me (12:06:39 AM): ok

me (12:06:40 AM): ok

me (12:06:46 AM): where were theeeeeeeee….?

me (12:06:49 AM): ahhhh

me (12:06:54 AM): attempting

me (12:07:01 AM): och’ay yaaaaaaaaaar

me (12:07:12 AM): vat i vas tryiiiiiinnnnnnnnnng

me (12:07:19 AM): to sayyyyyyyyy

me (12:07:24 AM): vas

me (12:07:26 AM): ya3ni

me (12:07:40 AM): when you do something for the sake of Allah

me (12:07:46 AM): just Allah (swt)

me (12:07:54 AM): you keep it secert

me (12:07:59 AM): and I was wondering

BLAH (12:08:03 AM): right

me (12:08:09 AM): like this beautiful gem

me (12:08:25 AM): this sunlight that you have in your chest

BLAH (12:08:39 AM): i have sunlight in my chest? wow cool

me (12:08:44 AM): that this joy for doing something good

me (12:08:47 AM): heehee

me (12:08:55 AM): when you hoan it

me (12:09:14 AM): whenyou hold it close

me (12:09:26 AM): I wonder if you gain knowledge

me (12:09:32 AM): disapline perahps

me (12:09:38 AM): and thus wisedom from it?

me (12:09:44 AM): like a well

me (12:09:52 AM): that grows bigger?

BLAH (12:09:54 AM): possibly

me (12:10:04 AM): so next time you caught more rain

BLAH (12:10:02 AM): you could be referring to your heart itself

me (12:10:09 AM): ?

BLAH (12:10:18 AM): as nabeyuna Muhammad said … if your heart is good then the rest of you will be good

me (12:10:59 AM): heart?

me (12:11:00 AM): ummm

me (12:11:02 AM): nay

BLAH (12:11:11 AM): yay

BLAH (12:11:12 AM): nay

BLAH (12:11:15 AM): maybe say

me (12:11:20 AM): we do not truely know if our heart is goood

me (12:11:33 AM): everyone has faults

me (12:11:42 AM): I speak of the joy of Alllah

me (12:11:47 AM): of doign good

me (12:11:58 AM): yeah i suppose that’s what i mean

me (12:12:03 AM): feeling noor

me (12:12:05 AM): i suppose

me (12:12:09 AM): in your heart

me (12:12:19 AM): like a rising sun

me (12:12:24 AM): making you happy

BLAH (12:12:23 AM): mmm

BLAH (12:12:27 AM): thats still in your heart though

BLAH (12:12:35 AM): the noor illiminates your heart

BLAH (12:12:46 AM): which in turn affects the rest of your body and your behaviors

me (12:13:10 AM): until you start singing and dances and randomly screaming?

me (12:13:12 AM): LOOLLz

BLAH (12:13:28 AM): haha

BLAH (12:13:31 AM): Sufi-style?

BLAH (12:13:32 AM): maybe

BLAH (12:13:45 AM): well

BLAH (12:13:48 AM): kinda

me (12:14:30 AM): ummm saying the noor illumating in the heart sounds so pretenation

me (12:14:31 AM): s

me (12:14:39 AM): like so assuming

me (12:14:51 AM): i’ rather say joy

BLAH (12:14:59 AM): sure

me (12:15:06 AM): b/c i am feeling it right now

me (12:15:15 AM): and i am not nearly as holyly

me (12:15:18 AM): LOOOLLz

me (12:15:26 AM): but I probabaly have holes

me (12:15:30 AM): Bwhahaha

BLAH (12:15:36 AM): LOL

me (12:15:44 AM): in the brain

BLAH (12:15:43 AM): so tell me why you’re feeling like that

BLAH (12:15:53 AM): well you have seven holes in your head already

me (12:16:11 AM): probably i have more

me (12:16:31 AM): hahaha

me (12:16:38 AM): but that was the point yaar

BLAH (12:16:41 AM): your two eyes, your two nostrils, your two ears and your mouth … seven holes

BLAH (12:16:43 AM):

me (12:16:48 AM): keeping it secert

BLAH (12:16:53 AM): so anyways, why are you feeling so giddy?

me (12:17:04 AM): holding int the joy until you just…

me (12:17:06 AM): LOOLLZ

me (12:17:10 AM): explode

me (12:17:17 AM): heehee

me (12:17:33 AM): i am nonsense

BLAH (12:17:32 AM): well

BLAH (12:17:33 AM): tell me

me (12:17:50 AM): heehee

me (12:17:51 AM): nay

me (12:17:54 AM): sorry

me (12:17:58 AM):

BLAH (12:17:56 AM): ‘fess up Illana

me (12:18:06 AM): neverrrrrrrr

me (12:18:10 AM): heehee

me (12:18:21 AM): my point was

me (12:18:28 AM): by not sharing such things

BLAH (12:18:32 AM): uhuh

me (12:18:42 AM): does it make it more precious?

BLAH (12:18:53 AM): sometimes

BLAH (12:19:24 AM): if you share it with someone else and it improves them, if it improves their outlook on life, or makes them happy and smile, then it makes you more happy as a result, because you just helped someone feel better

BLAH (12:19:26 AM): or become better

BLAH (12:19:28 AM): so then

BLAH (12:19:41 AM): it becomes even more valuable to you because you know you canhelp others with it

me (12:19:54 AM): Hahahaha!

me (12:19:57 AM): good try!

me (12:20:02 AM): LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLz

BLAH (12:20:10 AM):

BLAH (12:20:17 AM): i always try

me (12:20:41 AM): by keeping it secert does it improve you?

me (12:20:54 AM): teach you wisedom?

BLAH (12:20:55 AM): it might, i dunno

BLAH (12:21:02 AM): depends on what it is

BLAH (12:21:06 AM): i dont even know what it is

me (12:21:10 AM): allow you to hold more joy and noor next time?

BLAH (12:21:32 AM): possibly

me (12:21:34 AM): oye I am goign to throw a chapal a you

BLAH (12:21:42 AM): but my mommy always taught me to share

me (12:21:45 AM): I am talking about the noor you feel inside

me (12:21:59 AM): keeping it secert

BLAH (12:21:59 AM): well the noor i have inside .. No, i dont keep it inside

BLAH (12:22:05 AM): i dont keep it a secret, no

me (12:22:18 AM): ugh

me (12:22:24 AM): i don’t think your listening

me (12:22:36 AM): ya3ni let me spell it out for you

me (12:22:43 AM): even though i can’t spell

me (12:23:03 AM): you do something for Allah>> thus you feel noor>>

BLAH (12:23:04 AM): okay

BLAH (12:23:07 AM): right

me (12:23:13 AM): by doing it for Allah

me (12:23:20 AM): you keep it secert

BLAH (12:23:29 AM): well yeah thats true

BLAH (12:23:34 AM): but thats the actual ACT itself

me (12:23:36 AM): but by sharing it does it cheapen it?

me (12:23:39 AM): and then

me (12:23:44 AM): the noor itself

BLAH (12:23:48 AM): no, that you dont share really

BLAH (12:23:49 AM): but

me (12:23:51 AM): by sharing it

BLAH (12:23:53 AM): the noor you got from it

me (12:23:56 AM): eik min

me (12:23:58 AM): eik min

BLAH (12:24:02 AM): that you can share, without revealing the action itself

me (12:24:08 AM): yeahhh

me (12:24:11 AM):

me (12:24:13 AM): ok

BLAH (12:24:18 AM): k

me (12:24:27 AM): does sharing the noor cheapen the act itself?

me (12:24:41 AM): ?

BLAH (12:24:42 AM): depends how you’re sharing it

me (12:24:50 AM): like how?

BLAH (12:24:49 AM): if you are talking about the act itself

BLAH (12:24:57 AM): then yeah, it becomes cheapened

BLAH (12:25:01 AM): you did it for the sake of Allaah

BLAH (12:25:07 AM): so leave it between you and Him

me (12:26:01 AM): but smiling like a crazy head… things you can’t control becasue you can bearly contain yourself

me (12:26:12 AM): does that cheapen it as well?

BLAH (12:26:20 AM): nope

BLAH (12:26:24 AM): not at all

me (12:26:37 AM): LOOLLz

me (12:26:39 AM): ok

me (12:26:47 AM): did having this convo

me (12:26:55 AM): becasue you have an inkling

me (12:27:05 AM): b/c i had to SPELL it out for you

BLAH (12:27:10 AM): lol

me (12:27:15 AM): cheapen it?

BLAH (12:27:20 AM): all I know so far, is that you’re really happy

BLAH (12:27:25 AM): and no it didnt cheapen it

me (12:27:45 AM): INSHALLAH THEN

me (12:27:55 AM): LOOOLLz

me (12:27:59 AM): I am soo lame

me (12:28:01 AM): heehee

BLAH (12:28:01 AM): naw

BLAH (12:28:04 AM): you’re alright

me (12:28:08 AM): Alhumduillah

me (12:28:42 AM): *happy sigh*