Jan 17 2008
melancholy
i feel this pain on my back I want to speak to you but i can’t, the words that mean, i can’t say, for they are the thoughts of my life the play, i want to trust you but i can’t because you don’t trust me and that I can’t stand to think I rant, that i am a charity, a weak work case, exposing my weakness, it is when i insist, but you don’t yield… you hide more and more–subhanAllah i can tell, so why does it bother me like hell? so perhaps I will stop and close my shell when all I want to do is yell… so let me make dua to You The Only, The One–only One I should want, not you oh Adam’s son.
But why does desire rule and pull
me like a ton–why does it blur and blunder my intentions–a little bit more then a simple al-nafs mention! I think of it and i feel so dirty..so unworthy of how imperfect my intentions are! And now I cry, how hopeless i am, how hopeless i seem, what kind of human have i turned out to be?
