Born Confused

earlier today outside, drawing in the gardens–trying to meditate…

my heart is yearning
i don’t know what to say
inside it cries, boxed
tears melting it like clay
i feel listless and unsound
restlessly trying anonymity in a big town
hoping i’ll be so lost
it wouldn’t find me
in this holy time
blessing me with clear vision
to know my peace is a frighten pigeon
community provides the only consul
praying together seems to widen my soul
but i wonder if there is some personal disease
that i lack kushoo when i am alone on my knees

so the knowledge retreat at RIS is awesome mashAllah

(12:27 AM) me: so according to our lectures truth is contextualized
(12:28 AM) me: and God gives us what we can perceive
(12:28 AM) me: i like that a lot
(12:28 AM) pagil: deep
(12:28 AM) me: but umm
(12:28 AM) me: i was arguing and explaining this to someone
(12:29 AM) me: they said that through that reasoning, God gives us partial truth
(12:29 AM) me: and partial truth isn’t truth
(12:29 AM) me: it’s dishonest (therefore God would be dishonest)
(12:30 AM) me: but God isn’t relevant
(12:30 AM) me: arrational, right?
(12:30 AM) pagil: yeah i believe arrational was the word
(12:31 AM) me: yeah, it’s pretentious to make everything relevant when we know so little
(12:31 AM) me: and in relevance, there is no absolute
(12:32 AM) me: which in it self is an absolute
(12:32 AM) me: and therefore beats itself