Talking about a movie I saw
gora: ya Lateef
u wudnt tell from the title
u dont seem like the person who wud watch those kinda movies anyway
me: well they don’t show you
but it happens
and ewwwwwww
like the
abuse
the messed up -ness in those countries
ouch
people selling limbs
gora: yeah i’ve been noticing tho that more and more movies nowadays are showing more violence and torture and abuse scenes
me: to feed thier families
well there wasn’t scenes
but the concept of it disturbed me greatly
even though it is reality
gora: those images become scars… we all have to deal with them in the barzakh
try to fill your sight with the jameel
me: OMA
so truth
soo true
guard our harts
and souls
images scar
gora: do u know what heals scars?
me: quran?
Thirkir?
sometimes
those scars don’t heal tho
too deep
gora: salawat
it needs work but they can heal
however, easier than that is to live in the moment and dont attach the present moment to the past
so no deep convos?
between u two
me: who two?
gora: u and ur friend
me: which friend?
gora: i mean u and (friend)
me: oohhh
LOOLLz
umm
a different kind of deep
not in a philosophy kind of deep
gora: doesnt matter
me: (friend) isn’t like that
but the trouble we go through
the improvements we need
like me
umm
i need to be
ugh
womanly
graceful in certain situations
And i am more blunt then anything
gora: hmmm
bijuz
me: i am immature
bijuz?
gora: ya’ni could be the case
yeah u are entering a new decade soon
u seem busy
me: no
i was thinking upon what you said
i am growing
i should have sabr with myself
gora: would u say there is some resistance in you from growing up and changing and getting older?
me: HAHHAHA
very much sssooo!
how did you know–your the first to mention it
gora: and how come its surprising i cant tell
me: your the first to point it out
but it’s soo true
gora: well we’re all walking that way, so its only a matter of being content with it or fighting it
i was studying recently the work of this person who wants humans to live 1000 years
made me think alot
he was completely oblivious to any aspect beyond the purely physical body
me: umm
like what
should he have focused on?
gora: well i mean he was only talking about for example manipulating the genes so ur body wont age as quickly as it does, to slow down the aging process way way down, so that you age ten times as slow, and therefore instead of living to 100 you would live to 1,000
but what about the intellect, the ruh, etc?
in any case i dont think this world will last for another 1000 yrs
me: well noah’s people lived that long
gora: alayhi salam
me: like a thousand years
as
right
gora: true but our generation will see Imam Mahdi and Dajjal, which means pretty much it
anyway im taking u away from ur topic, back to you…
me: there is nothing certain in tomorrow
gora: thats way too vague to mean anything substantive lol
me: LOLz
hahah
i like that
but you can take it in any way
gora: can u imagine a person physically 900 yrs old but with an immature spirit and intellect?? a disaster!
me: umm
gora: so why dont u wanna grow up so to speak?
me: it’s an inevitable process
well i admire the care free fun elders
that have a certain wisdom
they hold a spark
i want my spark
gora: you want to keep the spark you have, or you want to find ur “missing” spark?
me: keep it
life often takes it away
away
gora: did u read my email i sent?
me: i have a zest and happiness in life
indeed
the beautiful one about babies?
gora: kind of related to what ur talking about
about mom’s saying they cant spend as much time doing spiritual practices because of baby duties
me: no no
thats not my dilemma
gora: of course i know its not
me: i understand that fully well
but children
what a HUGE responablilty
i truely have to give them EVERYTHING
my heart, my sleep
my soul
gora: let me ask you, around what age would u be willing to marry?
me: if not it’s not fair for them
really honestly
i don’t know
gora: and would marriage and children put away the spark?
me: the worries, i fear would
but perhaps i am being cynical
1so i can be pleasantly surprised
i don’t know
but definitely it would wear me out
because my life would be my children
inshAllah
gora: how exactly are u keeping and maintaining ur spark now?
me: you feel me?
gora: in sha’Allah
me: with my freedom
with discovery
by Allah swt ’s grace
(first and formost)
with learning
gora: and have u talked with those elders and asked them how they still have the spark after a long life of jobs, marriage, children, grandchildren, etc?
me: with excitment
and being able to do what i love
umm
actually no
have you?
gora: that might be a good idea
i have yes
me: and?
was it love?
gora: all of them told me the same thing, which i am afraid of telling u now
me: ?
gora: but i’ll give u a hint
me: do not fear me
gora: not that im afraid of u my dear…
me: sabr?
gora: but the hint is in sura 57 verse 13
me: MWAHAH my quran is with me
alhumdullah
noor, mercy
hypothcrites
gora: i am afraid of telling u now because u need more preparation to see the full dimension of what would be a simple answer…. for example, the degree to which i understand “la ilaha illa Allah” is much smaller than the degree which my shaykh understands it, so if my shaykh were only to say, “the answer is in la ilaha illa Allah” then i wouldnt move anywhere cuz i’d still be stuck with my current capacity of understanding, it would only keep me where i am… does that make sense?
me: The Day
oh yes
that makes complete sense
but do then give me the chance to grow with it
then to have no knowledge at all
gora: so ilana the answer that they told me is “be the son of your moment”, BUT those few words involve so much
me: be the son?
gora: (well for u it wud be “daughter”)
me: live in the moment?
or sun?
be the light?
ooh
be the daughter
humility?
gora: mm no not really
me: no expectations
gora: humility is always good
ilana this is a very big meaning
me: will you explain it from you understanding?
gora: i feel shy putting myself on a pedestal to explain it when i myself am still under training
me: mashAllah
ok build a brigde and get over it
LOOOOLLz
gora: my shaykh wrote a book “At Peace in a time of wars” during the earlier Iraq war and in it he talked alot about that “wall” which on the inside is mercy and coming from the outside is torment and actually i dont know if u heard my opening short speech in dar al noor, but i gave a big chunk of the puzzle in that but when wars are raging around you, in ur internal environment you sit in a garden within a wall, submerged in mercy do u know what a big obstacle to understanding these things is tho??
me: TASWUUF
gora: what about tasawwuf?
me: those types of things
are on the metaphysical level
hard to understand
gora: true
i meant tho, that people try to mentally or intellectually understand this stuff, then once they do, they become complacent, and in reality their soul is still in the dumps, whereas they have to roll up their sleeves and tighten their belts and sit down on His carpet and repeat His Name
like people who think they become believers by simply memorizing the 6 pillars of belief
i want u to benefit, so u must for example do dhikr until your heart opens and light fills in, then all these things u can see for yourself and be able to feed others, and instead of a “spark” you’ll have a sun
your aspiration is to keep and maintain a spark…. why not rise higher and want a sun?
me: inshAllah
yeah i suppose
it’s it the price of adulthood
a costly price
gora: so for example when u inevitably move into adulthood but still try to force-drag with you your state in childhood, it is not being in the moment of adulthood where Allah put you at that time
i’ll tell u a story
about Sidi Abdul Wahhab al-Sha’rani (qaddas Allahu sirrahu)
in his time he eventually came to be the top scholar in his time, and the top teacher in Azhar (Cairo)
me: mashAllah
gora: everyday along his way from his home to the school, he saw this illiterate man on the side of the road, and would every day ridcule him and say, “ALLAH DOES NOT BEFRIEND AN IGNORANT PERSON” and go on his way
and the illiterate person was Sidi Ali al-Khawass
and al-Sha’rani was unaware of his mighty spiritual station, because he was blind by his own self and impressed with it
and with all the students and people who would flock to him for teaching
me: hahha
that’s ironic
gora: again, each day he would pass by this person, al-Khawass, and say the same thing
sadly this is what happens when ppl fill their minds and ignore their hearts
anyway
one day, when al-Sha’rani told him, “Allah does not befriend an ignorant one”, Sidi al-Khawass responded with the completion of the hadith, “BUT IF HE LOVES SOMEONE, HE BEFRIENDS HIM AND TEACHES HIM”, and then he said to him something which would be impossible for him to know (i wont tell u what it is because ur a girl)
once he said that, al-Sha’rani was stunned and bewildered, and just said nothing and went to school dumbfounded, and when he sat in the chair to begin teaching, he found that all his knowledge had gone and disappeared
me: LOOLLz
gora: he just sat there few minutes then left and gave an excuse that he’s sick and no class today
but in home he was going crazy because all this knowledge he had simply went away from him, and when he would read his own notes and books in his house, as soon as he closed a book he wudnt remember anything
so he sat home alone for a few days and avoided the school
finally he swallowed his pride and said ok let me go to this man, akeed he’s probably someone special and i shud apologize
so he went and asked apology, and went to kiss his hand, but al-Khawass pulled back his hand and said to him: “if you want your knowledge to come back to you, then you must find the lowest person in Cairo and kiss his hand”
so he went looking and looking……. until he found a christian who was tending pigs, and was up to his knees in mud and filth, and said to himself, “this has to be the lowest person in egypt”
so went to him and wanted to kiss his hand, but the christian said to him: “you think im the lowest person in cairo? well you’re wrong, look at yourself”
me: ouch
hardcore
gora: then it hit him that al-Khawass was a real big wali to the point that his inspiration flowed even to a christian, and after an honest look at himself, realized he was the lowest person in cairo
so he went back before al-Khawass and al_Sha’rani kissed his own hand in front of al-Khawass and said “i repent to Allah”, and all his book knowledge
came back
he went back to his home thrilled and excited, he began looking again into his books and now his memory was sharp as ever,
after a short while, he still felt empty inside, like all this knowledge in his head (and just as a side note, he really was incredibly knowledgeable scholar, if u read his books u can see that for urself), but he wasnt content in his heart, his heart felt closed and un-illuminated and heedless
so he went back to Sidi al-Khawass and said, “i want to be ur murid (student in sufi terms) and you be my Shaykh, just like Musa alayhi salam took al-Khadir as a shaykh”
and do u know what al-Khawass’s first order for him was?
“take all ur books and notes, and sell them in the market, then take that money and spread it among the poor,… i will check on u in a few days and if i see u dont do this, i myself will take your books and dispose of them”
al-Sha’rani felt like this was taking the foundation out from under his feet, because he worked for YEARS and decades compiling and gathering those valuable books and notes, and felt that once those books go, like his knowledge itself would go too
but what to do? he is now his student and the student must obey the Shaykh if he is to benefit, so he sold his books and spread out the money among the poor…. however in his heart he still had a subtle attachment and nostalgia to them
so he complained of that to his teacher al-Khawass, who told him, “strive to cut off that nostalgia and attachment to them, and devote your time instead to do dhikr so Allah can open your heart with His Nur”
after a while of doing that, finally Allah opened up his heart with an immense opening, and filled it with light and knowledge
real experiential knowledge of the Divine, very much unlike “book knowledge”
from that point on, Sha’rani would always say that he learned under hundreds of teachers, but only one of them weaned him and made him a full man, Sidi Ali al-Khawass
and now, his writings are filled with eloquence and realization
and in sha’Allah ur awake now still lol
me: indeed
i read it
gora: do u understand the difference between those two knowledges?
me: indeed
gora: do u mind describing the difference
me: one is an opening from Allah swt a certain understanding and another is opening a book
gora: lol
beautiful
me: Jazakullahkhair
gora: when the heart is opened and illuminated, that is what Christ (alayhi salam) meant about being born again into the spiritual kingdom, and when he said, “you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven unless you are born twice”
me: wow mashAllah
that’s hot
gora: and when that opening happens, that is when u “enter” inside that wall-enclosed garden in surat Hadid, within which is mercy, while ppl who havent had that opening remain outside that wall, where there is torment and suffering
now after that u can probably see a new meaning in sura 63 verse 9
gora: ?
me: ??
gora: any comments etc?
i was done talking
me: nope
i concur
gora: lol ok
well u seem busy so
me: nope
i was reading
and pondering
gora: what did u come up with
me: i need sleep
i fele asleep
LOLZ
gora: i figured
sweet dreams
in sha’Allah these words will ignite something in you
salamat wa barakat
me: salaam
(inspired by this picture–which wasn’t taken by me)
