Archive for October, 2008

Oct 29 2008

Ya Allah, this love so complete

Published by ilana under Love, wood (peotry)

oldie, but a goodie…

Ya Allah, this love so complete
Penetrates me so deep
Yes, sadness weighs me down
But happiness and contentment shakes me sound
“Bittersweet”—blah! such an inadequate way
It’s “lovelyhurthappiness” that has a little say
And now my tears caress my smile
And this brightness could defy any mile of style
As you dance inside my heart
It gives a joyful little start
Ya Allah I am so tearfully grateful
No emotion could touch me that’s hateful

5 responses so far

Oct 29 2008

“you’re crazy.”

Published by ilana under a moments, missing family

my poor mother listening to her crazy-running-around-with-strangers-wild-daughter’s stories whilst 500 miles away.

but maybe the happiness in my voice overwhelms her because instead i thought i sensed a little bit of pride and giggle as she said an all too familiar phase said by friends but never by her:

“you’re crazy.”

agape, i protested, “how am i crazy?! life is meant to be lived.”

“umm… life is meant to be lived…” she chewed on those syllables.

3 responses so far

Oct 25 2008

souls encountered

Published by ilana under Squirrels are crazy beasts

so many adventures, stories, souls encountered

i feel as if my heart may burst

Bismillah.

No responses yet

Oct 16 2008

coping of my heart

Published by ilana under pseudo reflection, tree


Time slipping… slipping… slipping… as each leaf of glorious vibrancy escapes it’s imprint into the digital memory of the camera. Perhaps it pushes to savor the sight more rather then taking advantage of looking, memorizing, appreciating the limited scoop of the shot of a camera.
Nevertheless, technology acts as a passage share the moments with others. And when I am happy and I don’t share it with others, it hurts my heart.
Even while rushing to class it occurred—and it struck, the oddity of this particulance—that involuntarily breath was withheld, the tongue in the back of the throat growing thick and wide… as if unconsciously blocking the passage of nutrition. The nourishment of the exquisiteness nature now be held.
Such is the coping mechanisms of the heart.

One response so far

Oct 06 2008

the nature of grandeur

Published by ilana under Quote, cool breezes, pseudo reflection

One of the great errors of an elite education, then, is that it teaches you to think that measures of intelligence and academic achievement are measures of value in some moral or metaphysical sense.
-William Deresiewicz

The essence… a pure definable measure, accuracy … this is the lofty aspiration of words and its power. At times eyes unfocused, as if seeing another realm, ponders upon the essence mired by distractions and limitations on the observing party, and perhaps even on the side of the observed altering and shifting natural world of anarchy… a shape of indefinable corners… rolling, spinning, rotating… ever-changing.
Gazing at hands, contemplating the splendor of voice, scrutinizing the articulation of foot and body… trying to comprehend the capacity of beauty these talents maintain. From time to time, these are pure endowments, not manifestations of something deeper. Like a blossom’s splendor catches the eye and initial interest these talents can wrap up—meaning, these endowments become distracting hindrances in relevance to the expedition to the quintessence.
What is it though?

One response so far

Oct 06 2008

In Her Eyes

Published by ilana under jumping into lakes

An article for the Smith Student paper: The Sophian Alhumdullah

In Her Eyes
Exploring Muslim Identity
Issue date: 10/2/08 Section: Features

As human beings we have the tendency to identify, group and characterize. Too often we allow our affiliation, whether racial, economic or religious, to limit us instead of allowing it to help us in the fight to expand ourselves. No one person can dictate to another how to find that route, since our similar hearts grow in unique ways and under unique circumstances. Mine is religion, namely of the Islamic faith, since I identify as a Muslim. By remembering its principles, I have been able to humble myself with others, look introspectively at myself against those high standards and forgive people. It is said that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) proclaimed that Islam wasn’t sent down to give morality to people, but that it was already there; Islam’s job was to simply define it. In that same way, being at Smith has facilitated an open mind and a broader scope of the world and of lifestyles - whether defined or not.

From first glance, one may look at Smith and see a small quaint town in the middle of nowhere with a pretty little college full of young women busying themselves with esoteric studies of all sorts. “Liberal Arts” has the sound of something creative and non-marketable. But that is the beauty of Smith. Encapsulated in a bucolic setting is a dynamo full of opportunities to expand your mind and soul. The quiet, laid-back setting offers up few distractions, but plenty of opportunity for intellectual and creative stimulation. Energy is routed toward art, self-expression, spiritual enrichment and intellectual rigor in a setting allowing for time to share these qualities of life with others.

On a quiet winter day, when the sleepy campus was silent and covered with snow, I roamed about capturing photos of the way snow held onto the living. On a sweltering hot day, I jumped into the lake and reveled in its relief and pleasure. On a weekend visit to a local church, I spent a couple of hours explaining Islam to a group of young children. And, on so many days, I come back from campus elated with the intellectual stimulation and adrenaline I feel after a discourse with an instructor who understood my point and expanded my understanding beyond what I had ever considered.

And, perhaps in contrast to the tiny pearls that I have described above, Smith has accommodated all of my needs. I have a private room; I have halal food and a choice of even kosher food. I have a Muslim Students Association that is dynamic and interacts with Hillel and the Five College Consortium. Here is the opportunity to expand into a broader world. All is for the taking, or not.

Boston, only a two-hour drive away, is a place where I hook up with friends from Virginia at Boston University and the Boston School of Law. At Harvard I am part of a team that organizes an annual Muslim Inter-Scholastic Tournament. I have attended the Inter-faith Youth Corps conference in Chicago, the Reviving the Islamic Spirit conference in Toronto and have continued in my work as Public Relations Director for Muslim Youth of North America.

Locally, I am involved in the local chapter of Habitat for Humanity, Student Government Association, Middle East Peace working in coalition with Hillel, the Campus Anti-War Network and a variety of activities on the different campuses in the Valley. I also interact with a number of religious groups in the area to broaden my understanding of others and to have them better understand me and what I believe.

My experiences in the quaint little town of Northampton, much more sedate than my Northern Virginia home right outside of Washington, D.C., has broadened my world and provided a plethora of experiences and lessons that I believe will take years to fully absorb and appreciate.

No responses yet

Oct 05 2008

Dialogues yearning for peace

me: i think i am suddenly getting very depressed
dien:: whats wrong ilana
me: honestly, i feel very tired of life
sometimes this life is so petty, shallow… searching for love, beauty….
dien:: shallow people?
me: i probably sound naive and shallow myself… but i am telling you this with the utmost sincerity, just in general, when i am alone and ponder to myself, this life is nothing
and i just want to get it over and die
dien:: then make dua to Allah to keep you alive on this Earth as long as it is better for you
and to lift you up when its better for you
after you make that dua, place your trust in Him that He will indeed grant you your dua
me: i don’t mean it in a pitful way i was just being matter-a-factly
dien:: Ilana I know you didnt mean it in a pitiful way. I’ve felt the way you do, sometimes it happens when your eeman drops, everyone’s eeman goes up and down. its a natural part of life. you can’t escape it but just like when its cold out you take steps to preserve your warmth, so too when your eeman is at risk of losing heat due to the coldness of pessimism, you take steps to preserve its heat.
dien:: why do you get tired of this life?
u mean school and work?
or social engagements in general?
me: sometimes this life is so petty, shallow… searching for love, beauty…. like there has to be more and it’s so hard to have that peace in your heart and live in this life…live that pace of life… i am kind of over the feeling. but sometimes when i am alone and i can think… sometimes you think to yourself that you just want it get it over and die
dien:: that there is something fundamentally wrong with the present order of social organization?
me: HAHA, always ready to speculate on the social order of things–while i speculate on the heart
but yes,
i suppose so
but that must be the nature of things…to be amongst the twilight gray gossamer of the world
little black and white
and Allah did this on purpose (my speculation)
dien:: word
well whats causing ur heart to suffer, if not the pointlessness of modern life?
me: indulging, distracting and caring about it i suppose… and the only reasonable escape is Allah and i can barely manage that

2 responses so far

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