Born Confused

Ibby (11:06:16 PM):what are u feeling now ilana?
me (11:06:37 PM):a lot
Ibby (11:06:43 PM):can u stretch and freely move ur arm?
me (11:06:56 PM):yes alhudmullah
Ibby (11:07:01 PM):good
me (11:07:08 PM):hahah
me (11:07:27 PM):for a sec i didn’t think you were talking aboutthe physical’
Ibby (11:07:50 PM):hahahaha that was cute
Ibby (11:08:01 PM):do u wanna go into the non-physical?
me (11:08:50 PM):it’s a challenge i like to undertake
Ibby (11:09:09 PM):why do u call it a challenge?
Ibby (11:09:25 PM):(i can see why but want to hear it from u)
me (11:09:27 PM):becasue it’s easy to ignore it all
me (11:09:36 PM):to not think
me (11:09:51 PM):accept things the way they are
me (11:09:52 PM):LOOOLLZ
Ibby (11:21:45 PM):lemme share some things with u from this old book i have
Ibby (11:22:21 PM):”Humility is the silencing of one’s innermost being while reverentially witnessing Allah (Most High)”
Ibby (11:22:43 PM):”Humility is a humbled low state that comes upon the heart when the Lord is disclosed”
Ibby (11:23:08 PM):”Humility is the melting and hiding of the heart in the presence of the Sovereign King of Truth”
Ibby (11:23:30 PM):”Humility is the prelude to being overwhelmed and overpowered by awe”

Ibby (11:26:07 PM):here think of this
Ibby (11:26:22 PM):”arrogance toward one who is arrogant to you on account of his wealth, is humility”
me (11:28:37 PM):*thinking*
Ibby (11:28:47 PM):hahaha
me (11:30:11 PM):what book is this from?
Ibby (11:30:17 PM):by the way those are all from “The Principles of Sufism” by Abu’l Qasim Qushayri
Ibby (11:30:35 PM):trans in english by a number of ppl
Ibby (11:30:51 PM):the trans here is some german guy named B. Von Schlegell
me (11:32:06 PM):mashAllah
me (11:32:13 PM):that’s supper cool
Ibby (11:34:24 PM):so what are u thinking
me (11:35:17 PM):I went to wash my face
Ibby (11:36:13 PM):were u crying? or something else?
Ibby (11:36:39 PM):”Shame is the heart’s contracting in order to exalt the expansive majesty of the Lord”
Ibby (11:36:48 PM):i like that one

My brain is on overload. Less then 8 hours of sleep per a week is critically detrimental. No sleep yesterday, barely any sleep today. Well, I’ll spare you a complaining rant. There is just so much work. Alhumdullah. It’s very cold too. It snowed two days ago. And there’s still bloody snow on the ground. Alhumduillah.
Went to the second day of Hanukkah celebration with Hillel and a discussion between Middle East Peace and Hillel about the two female activists–one from Israel, the other from Palestine—that came a couple of days ago.
It seemed it was the catalyst for discussion on Israel and Palestine and the informative and anecdotal discussion that followed was absolutely amazing. Middle East Peace, Hillel and MSA inshAllah is definitely doing a collation for events… the possibilities… my head, the experience, has still yet to put itself around.
Michael Young’s eloquent speech yesterday on Lebanon… that too, I have to think about. Unique. Profound. The specificity and art in which he talked with the philosophic art of vagueness definitely left an impression on me. Nevertheless, I have still yet to grasp (with a plaguing skepticism) all in which he entailed.
Perchance it is a resultant of a disadvantageous deficiency of slumber.
Afterward, I was dragged into another meeting with Middle East Peace. Hookah—appropriately named Lolita due to certain characters and charm of a balmy apartment, humming with warmth away from the Mistress of Icy’s domain outside, as a soliloquy of melody tinged the air; mixed, and captured a romantic air of philosophy, luxury and laze, even a slight sexuality with a spark of zealousness as we smoothly spoke… it was passed to me, but as tempting as it was to let the smoke relieve my burning eyes, I reached a resolution that until I knew how I felt about it first, without the biasness of context, pressure and ease… I wasn’t going to smoke. Maybe that’s an oxymoron in itself, dismissing something for myself before I’ve even tried it, but I know myself, apt to addiction yet I am so accepting of those who do it. It means nothing to me. But when the action involves myself, I am so indecisive and therefore refrain… I wonder if that makes me a hypocrite.
As I walked back to my dorm I looked at the chilling wide expanse of the sky; stars, dreams far away—but bright enough to capture the imagination of the future in a seemly defiance of time: the constant on which the consistency of concepts is measured.
Then I looked at the ground, wondering if I put pressure on a different part of the palm of my feet, if I lifted my foot and set it down in a slightly different way if it affected the way I felt and perceived the world.
Then a superficial spasm of vigor took over for a moment (I suspect it was the shivering flinch of goosebumps) and I jumped into the air, as if I expected I would fly off and instead came back to earth with a solidness bring back my aching sick head and with it a convoluted weakness that overtook me as I entered my dorm, away from the expanse of the sky.
Oye, never ending soliloquies with subconscious theoretical alienable truths tied in with incomprehensible metaphors seems to be a symptom of two hours of sleep. Perhaps I should get the third, since a busy day awaits me; as my computer takes it sweet time uploading blights.
Yes, defiantly I think I have bordered madness. I shall blame inclusive, defective Slumber that holds no defensive against the ever-powerful Obligations.

Talking about an intention speech… 

 

me (4:09:24 AM): nay, yaar like i weep after i heard that speech

me (4:09:33 AM): it hit me in teh gut so bad

peep (4:09:39 AM): yeah me too

me (4:09:45 AM): thank Allah it was dark

me (4:09:49 AM): wallah?

me (4:10:03 AM): my eyes were soooo swallon

me (4:10:08 AM): swollen*

peep (4:10:38 AM): yeah

peep (4:10:42 AM): I tear fairly easy

me (4:11:16 AM): teary happens to me easily

me (4:11:22 AM): weeping like that does not

me (4:11:38 AM): like perhaps once a year

peep (4:11:55 AM): ah mashaAllah

peep (4:12:03 AM): what was it in particular that got to you?

me (4:13:57 AM): umm… perhaps the honesty in which he viewed himself like when he said he doubted himself when he went on stage and gave speeches when he was younger

me (4:14:21 AM): it hit a really insecure spot within me

peep (4:14:32 AM): yeah that’s the thing; he has a very humanistic approach

peep (4:14:44 AM): doesn’t deny the harsh realities and shortcomings that we all have

peep (4:14:51 AM): that’s what makes his words so accessible for us

peep (4:14:54 AM): he’s doesn’t talk down to us

peep (4:15:04 AM): he speaks to the insecurities and very real challenges we all face

me (4:15:16 AM): yes.

me (4:15:29 AM): perhaps knowing i wasn’t teh only one

me (4:15:39 AM): released a lot of tention

peep (4:15:44 AM): yess definitely

me (4:15:47 AM): tension*

peep (4:15:50 AM): honestly

peep (4:15:59 AM): this is the message and mission I’m longing to spread

peep (4:16:03 AM): in general

peep (4:16:26 AM): that we’re all humans, we’re all sinners

peep (4:16:39 AM): but that we should never be scared or afraid to be ourselves

peep (4:16:41 AM): yeah

me (4:16:47 AM): no no go on

peep (4:17:08 AM): I think, despite how obvious this sounds

peep (4:17:23 AM): it’s a philosophy that runs in stark contrast to most “islamic” organizations and institutions

peep (4:17:25 AM): in modern times

peep (4:17:51 AM): that’s why we see more and more teenagers by the truckload become disillusioned and dissatisfied with their muslim communities

peep (4:18:04 AM): they are repelled because of who they are

me (4:18:16 AM): stark in most “islamic” theology and attitude in modern times as well

me (4:18:18 AM): yes

me (4:18:21 AM): i concur

me (4:18:29 AM): go on

peep (4:18:43 AM): wallah that’s it

peep (4:18:45 AM): but basically

peep (4:18:59 AM): that is the mentality I’m setting out to challenge

peep (4:19:12 AM): even if it becomes my life’s work

me (4:19:33 AM): it’s a mentality I have had to fight so hard against

peep (4:19:49 AM): yes

peep (4:19:55 AM): and you are by far not the only one

peep (4:19:59 AM): and you know

peep (4:20:06 AM): this isn’t something necessarily confined to Islam

peep (4:20:18 AM): but a universal mentality that has become so prevalent

peep (4:20:25 AM): the world ove

peep (4:20:25 AM): r

peep (4:20:36 AM): it’s what’s decaying the world

me (4:21:13 AM): ah yes, self-righteousness revolts me— and in fighting sometimes we’re not too sure of ourselves esp when we see we’re the only one

me (4:21:28 AM): so he saying “it’s ok”

me (4:21:46 AM): released …

me (4:22:16 AM): i don’t know, but it’s good to release but it’s not a permanent fix

peep (4:23:06 AM): yes

peep (4:23:16 AM): releasing is just a means of coping

me (4:23:29 AM): I seem to do a lot of that

me (4:23:36 AM): in general

peep (4:23:38 AM): the chemotherapy of the soul

me (4:24:00 AM): does it kill off a part of it too?

peep (4:24:08 AM): perhaps

me (4:24:11 AM): perhaps the weak part?

peep (4:24:17 AM): but it is a temporary solution

me (4:24:21 AM): but a little good too

peep (4:24:22 AM): that does not cure

me (4:24:32 AM): yeah, it’s not a cure at all

me (4:24:45 AM): and i wonder if in resides inside of me

me (4:25:02 AM): or is that resignation in it self?

peep (4:25:56 AM): no

peep (4:26:00 AM): I think it lies in everyone

peep (4:26:20 AM): I mean

peep (4:26:27 AM): the world has not always been this way

peep (4:26:37 AM): jerks haven’t always been running the world

 

peep (4:29:28 AM): do you think it’s bad

peep (4:29:42 AM): that I’m uncomfortable with people that quote the Prophet more than they use their own words?

me (4:30:00 AM): nope

peep (4:30:09 AM): it just unsettles me

peep (4:30:14 AM): and it unsettles me that it unsettles me

peep (4:30:33 AM): but it’s as though they do not disseminate the information for themselves

peep (4:30:46 AM): but who am I to judge

me (4:30:56 AM): but simply spew it

me (4:31:12 AM): like self-righteousness

me (4:31:17 AM): i understand

peep (4:31:19 AM): no

peep (4:31:24 AM): I wouldn’t say self righteousness

peep (4:31:27 AM): just a laziness

peep (4:31:35 AM): unwilling to form their own opinions and insights

me (4:31:45 AM): but self-righteousness is born from laziness

peep (4:31:47 AM): instead of building off the beauty of the messenger

peep (4:31:59 AM): using his light to ignite their own flame

peep (4:32:07 AM): they simply become parasites

me (4:32:57 AM): indeed, what i meant is that such laziness is what’s given birth to self-righteousness

peep (4:33:04 AM): sure

peep (4:33:06 AM): yes

peep (4:33:13 AM): I think that’s one of the roots of self righteousness

peep (4:33:22 AM): but not all people like that are necessarily self righteous

peep (4:33:28 AM): they are simply… caged

peep (4:33:37 AM): the self righteous are those that are caged

peep (4:33:46 AM): but squack loudly

peep (4:33:49 AM): *squawk

me (4:34:29 AM): caged… yes, so you see that, and distress over it

me (4:34:34 AM): it’s a foresight

me (4:34:41 AM): do not degrade it

peep (4:34:46 AM): I don’t

peep (4:34:52 AM): I feel an urgent fervor

peep (4:34:55 AM): to reach out to them

peep (4:35:02 AM): to bring them into the infinite fields

peep (4:35:13 AM): to smell the roses of love, laughter, contentment

peep (4:35:24 AM): and to drink from the river of enlightenment and self-awareness

me (4:35:46 AM): some people hold on to their boxes

me (4:35:52 AM): the light blinds them

me (4:36:02 AM): and they reside therein

peep (4:36:11 AM): it is my weakness that I have trouble leaving them be

me (4:36:18 AM): limiting there own potential

me (4:36:25 AM): weakness

me (4:36:27 AM): nay

me (4:36:30 AM): strength

me (4:36:41 AM): most don’t care enough

me (4:36:47 AM): don’t feel enough

me (4:37:02 AM): do not hinder yourself because they do

me (4:37:14 AM): and that is their “norm”

me (4:37:28 AM): the norm of boxy people

me (4:37:42 AM): who don’t see the extent of the sky

peep (4:37:49 AM): but I want them to

me (4:37:49 AM): and horizon

peep (4:38:06 AM): I’m not so selfish that I want to sit on a secluded beach and watch the sun rise all by myself

peep (4:38:16 AM): I want the world to sit on one big towel

peep (4:38:19 AM): and get a sun tan

peep (4:38:21 AM): together

me (4:38:31 AM): and wear sun screen

peep (4:38:37 AM): (and we’ll remember to wear sunscreen)

peep (4:38:39 AM): haha

me (4:38:44 AM): haha

me (4:39:10 AM): I do not say be selfish, in fact fight

me (4:39:22 AM): but know you won’t always win

peep (4:39:26 AM): yes

me (4:39:30 AM): have heart

peep (4:39:33 AM): I guess I just need reassurance

peep (4:39:37 AM): that fighting is the right thing

me (4:39:38 AM): but use the brain as well

me (4:39:46 AM): indeed

peep (4:39:49 AM): and that I shouldn’t just resign myself to let them be

me (4:39:54 AM): it’s “coping”

peep (4:40:00 AM): aiywa

peep (4:40:01 AM): so

peep (4:40:03 AM): we become the cure

me (4:40:10 AM): inshAllah

peep (4:40:15 AM): we are the rope of Allah

me (4:40:18 AM): and our sincerity

me (4:40:20 AM): is the needle

me (4:40:47 AM): oye lets not get self-rightious now

peep (4:40:51 AM): hahaha

 

insightfulhomie (4:27:58 PM):salams

me (4:28:04 PM):salaam

insightfulhomie (4:28:38 PM):so i read for 2 hours near the end of the autobio of malcolm x and i cried…..its amazing

me (4:29:04 PM):it’s one of teh best books I ever read

me (4:29:09 PM):the author became muslim

me (4:29:11 PM):i met him

insightfulhomie (4:29:18 PM):alex haliey?

me (4:29:23 PM):yes

insightfulhomie (4:29:49 PM):yeah malcolm x is like no word describes him than a humble wow

me (4:30:09 PM):he truly was a man of truth

me (4:30:16 PM):and persuaded it fearlessly

me (4:30:22 PM):and he was humble

me (4:30:42 PM):he took back all he’s invested beliefs before hand

me (4:31:10 PM):and he persuaded anything he thought had truth no matter what the cost–esp his own

me (4:31:12 PM):he was strong

me (4:31:21 PM):insh’Allah we can learn from him

insightfulhomie (4:31:31 PM):if god wills it.

insightfulhomie (4:31:35 PM):yeah

insightfulhomie (4:31:40 PM):like the part that i cried at

insightfulhomie (4:31:46 PM):was when after mecca

insightfulhomie (4:31:47 PM):he

insightfulhomie (4:32:24 PM):says ” Dr. Azzam said Ma’shallah meaning ( if god wills it)”

insightfulhomie (4:32:35 PM):and i cried because even though i speak arabic fluently

insightfulhomie (4:32:38 PM):half the time

insightfulhomie (4:32:41 PM):everytiem we say

insightfulhomie (4:32:43 PM):inshallah

insightfulhomie (4:32:45 PM):or mashallah

insightfulhomie (4:33:14 PM):we say it soooooo fast we just mumble together the word and like as a result of that we mumble and take away from its meaning

insightfulhomie (4:33:19 PM):like last night

insightfulhomie (4:33:27 PM):i realised that ma’shallah

insightfulhomie (4:33:29 PM):means

insightfulhomie (4:33:34 PM):what ever god wills

insightfulhomie (4:33:58 PM):like i said it SLOWLY for the first time in my life and im like WOW its actually ARABIC!!!

insightfulhomie (4:34:15 PM):idk, liek that really touched me…

insightfulhomie (4:34:31 PM):ok ilana, i gtg

insightfulhomie (4:34:34 PM):peace

me (4:34:50 PM):oye I understand completely

me (4:34:57 PM):and i am sorry you have to go

me (4:36:44 PM):but yes, we take advantage of such beautiful phases Allah has betost on us. and i am incredibly honored you shared your insight with me–truly god-willing you will have many many many more that fill you up so much that they move you to tears with haqq

me (4:36:47 PM):peace

I wasn’t intending to post this conversation but I felt it had a lot of merit… (eventually, heehee)

 

OYEhoi (2:52:37 AM):my compliments on your artistic skills

me (3:05:39 AM):ditto

me (3:06:20 AM):but we both know the quality of the hand–a gift from Allah is no reflection on the quality of the heart

me (3:06:28 AM):not to sound preachy

me (3:06:36 AM):but it reminds myself as well

OYEhoi (3:06:54 AM):reminds you of what

me (3:07:56 AM):that my talents aren’t a reflection of inside

me (3:08:10 AM):and Allah has really blessed me

me (3:08:23 AM):I sing, dance and draw pretty well

OYEhoi (3:08:36 AM):artist huh

OYEhoi (3:08:40 AM):thats me

me (3:08:41 AM):and write if I use word

me (3:08:45 AM):but

me (3:09:05 AM):it probabaly wears on my soul

me (3:09:25 AM):I’m most probably not as good, humble, modest inside

me (3:09:29 AM):as I would be

me (3:09:39 AM):if I didn’t have these talents and skills

OYEhoi (3:10:01 AM):i doubt that

OYEhoi (3:10:10 AM):no one stays at their same level of eeman forever

OYEhoi (3:10:36 AM):so if you dislike your level of eeman right now and wish it were higher, than you can make it so, regardless of what skills you have or what you are / aren’t like inside

me (3:11:05 AM):perhaps

me (3:11:08 AM):but..

me (3:11:19 AM):remember when you were graaky

me (3:11:25 AM):back in highschool?

me (3:11:38 AM):awkward

OYEhoi (3:11:47 AM): graaky = ?

me (3:11:50 AM):probably braces, pimples,

me (3:11:58 AM):geeky

me (3:12:19 AM):ya3ni, going to the growing phase

OYEhoi (3:12:19 AM): ummm

OYEhoi (3:12:20 AM): well

OYEhoi (3:12:29 AM): i wasnt that geeky … no pimples or braces

OYEhoi (3:12:33 AM): but ya i know wht u mean

me (3:12:34 AM):LOOOLLz

me (3:12:46 AM):me neither but I think you get what I mean

me (3:13:18 AM):when I say insecurity perhaps does hold some real haya

me (3:13:28 AM):or does it?

me (3:13:38 AM):I have always felt it has…

me (3:13:43 AM):or assumed

OYEhoi (3:13:50 AM): insecurity equals haya?

me (3:13:51 AM):becasue as I

me (3:13:58 AM):ummm

me (3:14:02 AM):idk

me (3:14:06 AM):let me think

me (3:14:16 AM):makes you truly modest

me (3:14:22 AM):truly humble

me (3:14:34 AM):wouldn’t you say?

OYEhoi (3:15:02 AM): wait

OYEhoi (3:15:10 AM): you’re saying insecurity makes you feel modest>

OYEhoi (3:15:11 AM): ?

me (3:16:04 AM):yes, because frankly the fear I feel from insecurity never hindered me and probably made me “truly” brave

OYEhoi (3:16:31 AM): perhaps there might be a better word for it

me (3:16:50 AM):maybe

me (3:17:08 AM):but you can’t help agree, s3?

OYEhoi (3:17:33 AM): i’ll agree with it if I understand more accurately what you’re trying to say

me (3:31:42 AM):then I’ll try a different venue

me (3:31:46 AM):ummm

me (3:31:49 AM):the artist

me (3:32:00 AM):when the artist draws bad

me (3:32:08 AM):he knows he draws bad

me (3:32:36 AM):perhaps he thinks he draws very very very bad

me (3:32:43 AM):but he only draws bad

OYEhoi (3:32:49 AM): okay

me (3:32:59 AM):but because of this dynamic

me (3:33:09 AM):he thinks he is so bad

me (3:33:30 AM):he has made his heart of gold

me (3:33:38 AM):he is humble

me (3:33:43 AM):truly modest

OYEhoi (3:33:48 AM): okay

me (3:33:55 AM):and kind to any who draw

OYEhoi (3:33:59 AM): (only God would truly know, I think)

me (3:34:16 AM):let’s just say this is a fact….i am not done

me (3:34:28 AM):now

me (3:34:35 AM):he draws

me (3:34:39 AM):and draws

me (3:34:48 AM):and practices

me (3:34:57 AM):and he gets good

me (3:35:03 AM):very very good

OYEhoi (3:35:18 AM): okay

me (3:35:19 AM):and he acknowledges now he is pretty good me (3:35:26 AM):so

me (3:35:48 AM):he has lost this “true humility and modesty”

me (3:36:00 AM):and when people compliment him

me (3:36:22 AM):he thanks them and bows his head

me (3:36:30 AM):in a humble manner

me (3:36:41 AM):but he knows inside he is good

me (3:36:57 AM):and thus not truly humble

OYEhoi (3:36:58 AM): pride has grown inside of him

OYEhoi (3:37:16 AM): its a constant struggle, Ilana, to keep pride away, to keep the whispers of Shaytan away

me (3:37:30 AM):even knowledge is pride aye?

OYEhoi (3:38:18 AM): hmm

OYEhoi (3:38:38 AM): if it makes one think that he acquired it out of some “right” of his to do so

OYEhoi (3:38:47 AM): whereas in fact it was given to him by God

OYEhoi (3:38:50 AM): to test him with

me (3:38:54 AM):no no

me (3:39:11 AM):well..

me (3:39:12 AM):hmm

 

me (3:39:29 AM):I think that was the point of the convo

me (3:39:31 AM):hmm

me (3:39:45 AM):and maybe you cannot separate the two

OYEhoi (3:39:49 AM): possibly

me (3:39:50 AM):knowledge and pride?

OYEhoi (3:39:58 AM): i think you can

OYEhoi (3:40:04 AM): many of the sahabaa had knowledge

me (3:40:05 AM):eik min

OYEhoi (3:40:08 AM): but they werent proud

me (3:40:08 AM):please

me (3:40:13 AM):ahh true

OYEhoi (3:40:14 AM): sure, continue

me (3:44:12 AM):ok, since the artist knows he is good at drawing–there’s no true humility is there? Even if he constantly reminds himself that his skill is from Allah alone and that the quality of his soul has nothing to do with it…. but still he has lost that beautiful and painfully acquired humility…. and thus loses

me (3:44:32 AM):?

OYEhoi (3:45:25 AM): thats the problem with drawing figures

OYEhoi (3:45:32 AM): that you try to make it better

OYEhoi (3:45:36 AM): or as good as possible

OYEhoi (3:45:46 AM): and thus you’re trying to emulate the Creator

me (3:45:55 AM):Yaar

me (3:46:03 AM):you TOTALLY LOST THE POINT

me (3:46:10 AM):TOTALLY

me (3:46:22 AM):I am going to throw a CHAPAL at you

me (3:46:35 AM):*anguish*

me (3:46:45 AM):read it again

me (3:47:12 AM):ok, lets say the artist draws Qur’an, phir?

OYEhoi (3:47:15 AM): ok

me (3:47:20 AM):there’s no difference

OYEhoi (3:47:23 AM): thats an inanimate object

me (3:47:28 AM):he still knows he is good

OYEhoi (3:47:38 AM): [because people say he is]

me (3:47:50 AM):animate, inanimate–that’s not the point

me (3:48:00 AM):the point is skill

me (3:48:07 AM):acknowledgment

me (3:48:20 AM):and the nature of your soul

me (3:48:23 AM):!

me (3:48:29 AM):read it again

OYEhoi (3:49:38 AM): it would take a longer conversation to discuss the point Ilana

OYEhoi (3:50:00 AM): because then we’d get into a debate of whether he’s been drawing just as long as he’s been trying to acquire humility

OYEhoi (3:50:01 AM): see?

me (3:50:01 AM):ooyye your tired..

me (3:50:15 AM):OMA

me (3:50:16 AM):yaar

me (3:50:22 AM):change it to a singer

me (3:50:27 AM):not an artist

me (3:50:36 AM):that halal enough for you?

me (3:50:47 AM):or qur’an recitor

me (3:51:21 AM):he recited qur’an badly

me (3:51:24 AM):badly

me (3:51:31 AM):then he improved

OYEhoi (3:52:04 AM): okay

OYEhoi (3:52:12 AM): that was his goal of course

me (3:52:13 AM):and whereas in before he knew he recited Qur’an not so well and thought EVERYONE was better then him

OYEhoi (3:52:19 AM): okay

OYEhoi (3:52:23 AM): go on

me (3:52:26 AM):and was truly humble

me (3:52:38 AM):and then he becomes better

me (3:52:46 AM):and he knows this

me (3:52:52 AM):that he has become better

OYEhoi (3:52:55 AM): right

me (3:53:09 AM):and by knowing that he has become better

me (3:53:27 AM):he has lost “true” humility

OYEhoi (3:53:35 AM): well

OYEhoi (3:53:44 AM): let me give you a small point to think about

OYEhoi (3:53:47 AM): in this

me (3:53:48 AM):whereas in before he thought everyone was better then him

OYEhoi (3:53:49 AM): what if

OYEhoi (3:54:10 AM): he continues to become better at reciting the Qur’an, and even as he becomes better, he recites it alone

me (3:54:22 AM):(so his soul becomes worst?)

OYEhoi (3:54:30 AM): he doesn’t recite in front of others because he’s afraid they might say “ohhhh mashallah what a beautiful voice”

OYEhoi (3:54:47 AM): he does it alone because he is afraid of the people, and he is afraid of his own intentions

OYEhoi (3:54:59 AM): the Sahaba used to constantly question their intentions

me (3:55:02 AM):ok

me (3:55:10 AM):i understand and like that

me (3:55:13 AM):but

me (3:55:20 AM):lets say he talks

me (3:55:39 AM):and just by talking people can tell he has a nice voice?

me (3:55:54 AM):and he knows it

me (3:56:04 AM):shall he never talk? wear niquab?

OYEhoi (3:56:20 AM): lol

me (3:56:20 AM):in order to improve himself? but the point is

OYEhoi (3:56:36 AM): well theres a difference between just talking and actually reciting the Qur’an

me (3:56:38 AM):does his soul truly suffer?

OYEhoi (3:56:45 AM): like me, people have always commented on my voice

OYEhoi (3:56:53 AM): they say its the most memorable thing about me

OYEhoi (3:56:58 AM): i just push that out ofmy mind

OYEhoi (3:57:06 AM): and continue talking as I normally do

me (3:57:21 AM):just but you remembered it now didn’t you?

me (3:57:33 AM):it’s not truly “out”?

me (3:57:35 AM):is it?

me (3:57:49 AM):you’ve acknowledged it

me (3:57:52 AM):inside

me (3:57:57 AM):you know it’s true

me (3:58:04 AM):you don’t act differently

me (3:58:07 AM):but

me (3:58:13 AM):has your soul

me (3:58:17 AM):suffered

me (3:58:24 AM):a lose of humility

me (3:58:29 AM):and modesty

OYEhoi (3:58:32 AM): perhaps a little

me (3:58:43 AM):if you otherwise had a horrid voice

OYEhoi (3:58:52 AM): but you always ask Allaah to give you the strength to regain the quality of soul that pleases Him

OYEhoi (3:58:58 AM): and you constantly ask Him for that

me (3:58:58 AM):see

me (3:59:03 AM):that is my point

me (3:59:10 AM):yes

me (3:59:14 AM):inshAllah

me (3:59:18 AM):but

OYEhoi (3:59:20 AM): what i’m saying is

OYEhoi (3:59:21 AM): Ilana

me (3:59:22 AM):my point

OYEhoi (3:59:25 AM): it goes up and down

me (3:59:25 AM):ok

OYEhoi (3:59:35 AM): yes, a person may lose some humility

OYEhoi (3:59:39 AM): due to various reasons

OYEhoi (3:59:51 AM): but he or she should always seek the help of Allaah in regaining what was lost

OYEhoi (3:59:56 AM): and it comes back

OYEhoi (4:00:01 AM): and then a bit is lost again

OYEhoi (4:00:03 AM): and so on

me (4:00:09 AM):ahhhh

me (4:00:13 AM):inshAllah

me (4:00:18 AM):I like that

OYEhoi (4:00:25 AM): do you remember the hadith of Hanzalah?

OYEhoi (4:00:37 AM): he was a Sahabi

OYEhoi (4:00:42 AM): crying by the side of the road?

OYEhoi (4:00:49 AM): he felt he had become a munafiq

OYEhoi (4:00:53 AM): so Abu Bakr came

OYEhoi (4:00:57 AM): and Hanzalah told him

OYEhoi (4:01:01 AM): and Abu Bakr felt the same way

OYEhoi (4:01:51 AM): they went to Prophet Muhammad … and he explained to Hanzalah that a person’s eeman goes up and down

OYEhoi (4:01:53 AM): its natural

me (4:03:29 AM):but for me personally I don’t just “feel” I know that if I didn’t have as many talents and blessings I had I would be more pure inside. and it’s not a question of eman, i don’t think, it’s a question of haya–the nature of it. but perhaps we purify our talents by serving HIM

OYEhoi (4:04:01 AM): so if you were devoid of talents and skills, then you think that would have been better for your eeman?

me (4:04:28 AM):yes, I would be truly humble—it’s not a question of eman

me (4:04:39 AM):it’s about humility

me (4:04:54 AM):and humility is loved by Allah

me (4:04:59 AM):it’s cleans the soul

OYEhoi (4:05:10 AM): i disagree politely :-)

OYEhoi (4:05:56 AM): the sholars always used to say that theyw ere envious of the sceintists and astronomers … because those two categories of men had more knowledge about the universe Allah made, and thus, they were more humble because they were so over-awed by Allaah’s creation

OYEhoi (4:06:00 AM): *scholars

me (4:07:28 AM):ok let me put it in this way: do you feel your soul would be more humble and pure if you didn’t have your nice voice?

OYEhoi (4:08:26 AM): hmm

OYEhoi (4:08:33 AM): possibly, yes

OYEhoi (4:08:43 AM): I cant discount that possibility

OYEhoi (4:10:00 AM): its different

OYEhoi (4:10:07 AM): if you’re talking about knowledge

OYEhoi (4:10:14 AM): then it can help one become more humble

me (4:10:22 AM):but the Qur’an reciter that use to recite bad and now good knows this is the truth–since he has felt the difference, yes?

OYEhoi (4:10:23 AM): Allah loves an educated believer more

OYEhoi (4:10:50 AM): he may heave felt the SWEETNESS of reciting the Qur’an better when he is alone to himself

OYEhoi (4:10:56 AM): but if he is reciting in front of people

OYEhoi (4:11:01 AM): and they praise him

me (4:11:07 AM):no no

OYEhoi (4:11:08 AM): then that might throw his ego off track

me (4:11:13 AM):your losing the point

me (4:11:25 AM):yes, that’s sorta the point

OYEhoi (4:11:46 AM): well I think I get your point, but I’m modifying it a little when I answer :-)

me (4:11:58 AM):yeah

me (4:12:00 AM):but

me (4:12:54 AM): lets pretend when you were little–your voice was horrid–squeaky and high like a girl

me (4:13:11 AM):you know how people treated you

me (4:13:16 AM):made fun of you

OYEhoi (4:13:19 AM): uhuh

me (4:13:25 AM):and you were truly humble

me (4:13:32 AM):but then you hit puberty

me (4:13:39 AM):and your voice changes

me (4:13:52 AM):and now people are hella nice to you

me (4:13:58 AM):you notice the difference

OYEhoi (4:14:03 AM): but thats natural

OYEhoi (4:14:05 AM): [you’ll have to pick a better example - no one made fun of my voice when iw as little, though;-)]

me (4:14:11 AM):you know your voice is da bomb

me (4:14:20 AM):mashAllah

me (4:14:23 AM):and even tho

me (4:14:27 AM):you know

OYEhoi (4:14:27 AM): sorry, continue

me (4:14:36 AM):it’s a gift from Allah

me (4:14:53 AM):your no longer truly humble

me (4:14:55 AM):ji?

me (4:15:08 AM):in this way

me (4:15:13 AM):I am trying to say

me (4:15:28 AM):that as talented as I, you another might be

OYEhoi (4:15:34 AM): uhuh

me (4:15:37 AM):I know that at least from myself

me (4:15:49 AM):it has taken a piece of humility from me OYEhoi (4:15:56 AM): then do this Ilana

me (4:15:58 AM):and made me worst then what i could be without it

OYEhoi (4:16:00 AM): its simple

OYEhoi (4:16:03 AM): do this

me (4:16:19 AM):and that saddens me

OYEhoi (4:16:21 AM): when you’re all alone, go into sujoud and ask Allah to help you get that humility back

OYEhoi (4:16:32 AM): and keep asking for it

OYEhoi (4:16:38 AM): thats all

me (4:17:04 AM):good bloody answer

me (4:17:07 AM):mashAllah

OYEhoi (4:17:13 AM): lol

OYEhoi (4:17:25 AM): hope it was clean, and not *that* bloody

OYEhoi (4:17:26 AM): haha

me (4:17:38 AM):damn, it’s been bothering me for sooooo long

me (4:17:45 AM):like forever

OYEhoi (4:17:49 AM): that you’re pretty?

me (4:17:55 AM):ughhh

me (4:18:02 AM):like everything combined!

OYEhoi (4:18:06 AM): hey dont get frustrated

me (4:18:16 AM):(I sound like a snob but who cares)

OYEhoi (4:18:22 AM): be articulate and say whats on your mind so we can figure it out

me (4:18:26 AM):LOLz

OYEhoi (4:18:28 AM): no, i dont mind if you sound like a snob

me (4:18:29 AM):yes

me (4:19:17 AM):the beauty, the dancing, the singing, the writing well, the drawing

me (4:19:22 AM):Alhudmuillah

OYEhoi (4:19:30 AM): l’artiste

me (4:19:34 AM):I am grateful

me (4:19:37 AM):but

OYEhoi (4:19:38 AM): alhamdulillaah

me (4:19:45 AM):idk

me (4:19:50 AM):you understand (I hope)

me (4:20:14 AM):and it brings me joy

me (4:20:17 AM):no doubt

me (4:20:21 AM):makes me love Allah

me (4:20:35 AM):for how much He has blessed me me (4:20:38 AM):alhudmuillah

me (4:20:42 AM):but still

me (4:20:53 AM):the haya… i wish was more

me (4:20:56 AM):blah

me (4:20:58 AM):blah

me (4:20:59 AM):blah

OYEhoi (4:21:04 AM): ok

me (4:21:18 AM):I totally have exposed myself

OYEhoi (4:21:23 AM): no you havent

OYEhoi (4:21:41 AM): its the wish of many muslims to want a higher state of eeman, of sweetness in their soul

OYEhoi (4:21:45 AM): and thats a good thing

OYEhoi (4:22:02 AM): the answer is just so freaking simple

OYEhoi (4:22:30 AM): get down in sujoud and ask Allaah for whatever you want, and ask Him as if you were asking a beloved friend or caretaker

me (4:22:35 AM):yeah I hate you

me (4:22:40 AM):for the sake of ALlah

me (4:22:42 AM):LOOOLLz

OYEhoi (4:22:42 AM): no problem

me (4:22:50 AM):it’s that easy

me (4:22:57 AM):and for a year

me (4:23:13 AM):I have been just waiting

me (4:23:20 AM):in torment

me (4:23:32 AM):in a tormented kind of state

me (4:23:43 AM):not knowing what to do

OYEhoi (4:23:50 AM): waiting for what

me (4:24:06 AM):when haya doesn’t color every action of ours

me (4:24:11 AM):of mine*

me (4:24:17 AM):like I felt it use to

me (4:24:58 AM):waiting for humility to just hit me in the face i suppose

me (4:25:09 AM):to come back’

OYEhoi (4:25:15 AM): because back then, your state of eeman was different

OYEhoi (4:25:19 AM): and now its different

OYEhoi (4:25:30 AM): dont be frustrated that it seems to have dipped a little

me (4:25:47 AM):ok eeman

me (4:25:52 AM):the sweetness of the soul

OYEhoi (4:25:57 AM): its everything

me (4:26:04 AM):it seems to have changed in me

OYEhoi (4:26:11 AM): beleif, the state of the soul, and its reflected in your actions and words

me (4:26:21 AM):I see beauty and joy in everything

OYEhoi (4:26:23 AM): go on

me (4:26:37 AM):and have become ssssssssssoooo greatful to Allah

me (4:26:45 AM):and become joyful myself

OYEhoi (4:26:51 AM): uhuh

me (4:26:52 AM):and I cry too

me (4:27:01 AM):because I feel so much

me (4:27:18 AM):but i feel it’s incomplete

me (4:27:24 AM):because

me (4:27:58 AM):when I was “emo”, felt a lot of pain, I also had a lot of humility

me (4:28:21 AM):and the pain I don’t wish back of course

me (4:28:58 AM):but the humility and purity I had which is better then now, i wish THAT back

me (4:29:02 AM):feel me?

OYEhoi (4:29:08 AM): yup, go on

me (4:29:14 AM):or you have no idea?

me (4:29:25 AM):well is my humility attainable without pain?

me (4:30:04 AM):that purity obtained without pain

me (4:30:15 AM):constant and overwhelming pain?

OYEhoi (4:30:19 AM): [i have an idea, but go on]

me (4:30:58 AM):because that pain depressed me

me (4:31:17 AM):and that colored dark the beautiful signs of Allah

OYEhoi (4:31:29 AM): k

me (4:31:33 AM):then I do not wish that back

OYEhoi (4:31:40 AM): do you know why you were in pain?

OYEhoi (4:31:44 AM): precisely why?

me (4:32:27 AM):let’s just say a lack of blessings from Allah as compared to now :-)

OYEhoi (4:32:33 AM): ok

OYEhoi (4:32:40 AM): once a man was walking along

OYEhoi (4:32:45 AM): head drooped down

OYEhoi (4:32:50 AM): he was kinda hunched over

OYEhoi (4:32:54 AM): Umar [ra] saw him

OYEhoi (4:33:04 AM): and asked “Why are you walking like that?”

OYEhoi (4:33:17 AM): so the man said “i’m trying to be humble, because we’re supposed to be humble”

OYEhoi (4:33:52 AM): so Umr [ra] said “No, thats not humbleness … you should walk upright and straight as God created you, wiith dignity … but behumble in your actions and speech”

OYEhoi (4:34:01 AM): what i’m getting at is Allaah will always test you in many different ways

OYEhoi (4:34:26 AM): its His sunnah .. that in this life

OYEhoi (4:34:29 AM): if you think about it in this life

OYEhoi (4:34:42 AM): Allaah has created NOTHING that gives you complete pelasure

OYEhoi (4:34:55 AM): whatever gives you pleasure will also, sooner or later, give you some sadness

OYEhoi (4:35:00 AM): money

OYEhoi (4:35:01 AM): kids

OYEhoi (4:35:05 AM): food

OYEhoi (4:35:07 AM): whatever

OYEhoi (4:35:27 AM): the only thing that will give you all pleasure and no sadness is His Mercy and Jannah

OYEhoi (4:35:41 AM): so yes, in this life you will always have pain and some sadness, and thats normal

OYEhoi (4:35:51 AM): but pain is NOT necessary to attain humility

OYEhoi (4:36:02 AM): sometimes you can learn humility through the examples of others

OYEhoi (4:36:15 AM): so just remember there is that distinction

OYEhoi (4:36:42 AM): Allaah has the power and ability of course, to create that humility in your heart without having you go through any pain

OYEhoi (4:37:27 AM): so seriously, in plain language … in english, in urdu, in arabiy, in whatever … ask Allaah to increase you in haya and humility

OYEhoi (4:37:38 AM): and to spare you from pain and misery and suffering

OYEhoi (4:37:48 AM): ask, and ye shall definitel recieve :-)

me (4:38:18 AM):(if you knew how wide I am smiling)

OYEhoi (4:38:33 AM): alhamdulillaah 3ala kulli haal

OYEhoi (4:38:56 AM): lol

me (4:39:08 AM)::DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

OYEhoi (4:39:13 AM): i try to give my help

OYEhoi (4:39:26 AM): only Allaah alone decides

OYEhoi (4:39:35 AM): whether it will have any effect or not

me (4:39:43 AM):of course but at least I am attempting to go somewhere

me (4:40:05 AM):and know how

me (4:40:14 AM):it’s weird

me (4:40:32 AM):I have never been able to explain fully this dilemma

me (4:40:55 AM):people say eman is like a ball

OYEhoi (4:40:57 AM): well, lets work it out then

me (4:41:04 AM):and we’re like paper

me (4:41:19 AM):not being to ever fully cover the ball perfectly

OYEhoi (4:41:30 AM): uhuh

me (4:41:31 AM):or without wrinkles

me (4:41:50 AM):and that mentality just makes you resign

me (4:41:59 AM):and in the end you don’t know what to do

a compliant: oh and i understand ur trying to spread the word of human suffering. im just advocating that u instead try to expose the root cause of the suffering. showing a starving child doesnt have any effect anymore. it just shows africans as subhuman, undignified people. and being african, i take a lot of offense to that.

im just saying, showing starving children wont have any effect anymore. and africa is much more than a place of suffering. but whatever, u obviously are content with “helping” africa. so u can carry on with this. good luck.

My turn on it:

*Trying* to point fault at a picture is asinine.
Helping people in no way degrades the people being helped. People less fortunate have a right over those who can help. People who hold a belief in contradiction to this do so because they have a sense of arrogance and false pride and are ashamed of poverty. Wealth is not a measure of the greatness of another, rather a measure of responsibility owned to others less fortunate, and this is what this group is about. Africa needs help (I been to the good part too, Egypt and they need help too) and denying the fact with false pride only perpetuates the neglect that has reigned supreme over this continent and brought it to such a condition in the first place.

Assalamalaikum,

A man asked the Messenger of Allah (PBUH): “Which act in Islam is the best?” He (PBUH) replied, “To give food, and to greet everyone, whether you know or you do not.”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

————————–———

Allah does not change a people’s lot unless they change what is in their hearts. (Qur’an 13:11)

Pray for the World
The wall tries to hold me down
Tries to stuffle my sound
It cuts up my town
Walls to make you blind
Thinking now you’ll survive
Dividing rational in your mind
Though others fight to live life
Constant strife
Lies, deception, cruelty
I have seen them all with these eyes
Yet I am a peace-loving human
Why such surprise?
_______
-Ilana

me (10:46:34 PM):http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/muslims-urge-sudan-to-free-schoolteacher

oiii (10:46:54 PM):oh thanks

oiii (10:46:57 PM):i hate this retarded ordeal

me (10:47:16 PM):ditto

me (10:47:21 PM):it’s like haram

me (10:47:27 PM):haramoobobi!

me (10:47:46 PM):http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/specialreport.html?in_article_id=497484&in_page_id=1788

oiii (10:48:18 PM):it pisses me off

oiii (10:48:24 PM):im like wtf no wonder ppl hate muslims

me (10:49:20 PM):http://www.cair.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?mid1=777&&ArticleID=23869&&name=n&&currPage=1

me (10:49:27 PM):^not all Muslims

me (10:49:29 PM):LOOLZ

oiii (10:50:14 PM):lol